Client: So what can we do to
rectify this situation?
Me: Are you serious?
They
did not catch me at my best, most patient moment. In my follow-up e-mail which
was addressed to both this project manager and her CEO, I suggested a bodily
orifice where they could place this project to “rectify it” and provided a drop-box link to
the source code and database backup to assist them in that endeavor.
i had a really fucking weird dream where homestuck was a musical. like. a Broadway musical. and i went to see it and all i really remember is that 1) the opening number was called “everybody dies” and 2) bro strider was inexplicably played by shia labeouf, who did an interpretive dance scene with a smuppet that lasted roughly seven minutes. it was uncomfortable for everyone involved
what do you mean “inexplicably” that’s exactly how it would go down
I’m pretty sure snoop dogg was aimless renegade? honestly it was an experience
like the stage was essentially four room in the beginning and every time John would get a notification on pesterChum the particular room of whoever was messaging him would light up and you could see Jade Dave or Rose. when the trolls did their thing (it was early on), you could just hear the disembodied yelling of Karkat. Rose had a dramatic monologue that ended with mom physically pulling her away from her empty suicide threat. bec was just some guy in a fursuit. shia laBro passionately ripped off his shirt before kicking dave’s ass. lil cal was played by Ellen Degeneres(?)
do you have a medium to talk to because the more you talk about this dream the more it sounds like you’re spirit channeling andrew hussie and i’m concerned
don’t get me started about the medium bro
also when the trolls were introduced the lusii were these freakish jim henson monstrosities but honestly the best part was the felt. like. the actual composition of music was beautiful, and the choreography for the dance numbers was sublime.
Dave also kept trying to sing but was continually interrupted by Bro Shia, terezi’s echoing ululations, and his own self doubt. once he finally had his moment his voice soared through the theater, only to come to an abrupt end as he was drowned in hot puppet ass.
now that I think about it, dadbert was definitely nic cage, which was confusing as fuck because John kept talking about how Greatly He Was Caged By Nic while his father stood by. it was uncomfortable
idk man, it’s been like a reoccurring lucid nightmare for the past week, but the sb&hj sequences were performed by acrobats above the actual stage, who looked dangerously inebriated and probably needed immediate hospitalization (they were also narrated by dave and a bunch of dissonant recordings of the cast? what the fuck man. what a visionary)
I legitimately think you’re astral projecting into a parallel dimension where Homestuck became enough of a mainstream success to warrant a Broadway musical
Whoa, I didn’t realize that it was so deliberate, I honestly thought it was unconscious
Scary, scary.
Gonna add on to this: From the other side of the bar, I see this crap all the time. Seriously. I work at a high-density bar, and let me tell you, I have anywhere from 10-20 guys every night come up and tell me to, “serve her a stronger drink, I’m trying to get lucky tonight, know what I mean?” usually accompanied with a wink and a gesture at a girl who, in my experience, is going to go from mildly buzzed to definitively hammered if I keep serving her. Now, I like to think I’m a responsible bartender, so I usually tell guys like that to piss off, and, if I can, try to tell the girl’s more sober friends that they need to keep an eye on her. But everyone- just so you know, most of the time, when someone you don’t know is buying you a drink, they’re NOT doing it out of a sense of cordiality, they’re buying you a drink for the sole purpose of making you let your guard down. So:
Tips for getting drinks-
1. ALWAYS GO TO THE BAR TO GET YOUR OWN DRINK, DO NOT LET STRANGERS CARRY YOUR DRINKS. This is an opportune time for dropping something into your cocktail, and you’re none the wiser.
2.IF YOU ORDER SOMETHING NON-ALCOHOLIC, I promise you, the bartender doesn’t give two shits that you’re not drinking cocktails with your friends, and often, totally understands that you don’t want to let your guard down around strangers. Usually, you can just tell the bartender that you’d like something light, and that’s a big clue to us that you’re uncomfortable with whomever you’re standing next to. Again, we see this all the time.
3. If you’re in a position to where you feel uncomfortable not ordering alcohol:
Here’s a list of light liquors, and mixers that won’t get you drunk, and will still look like an actual cocktail:
X-rated + sprite = easy to drink, sweet, and 12% alcoholic content. Not strong at all, usually runs $6-$8, depending on your state.
Amaretto + sour= sweet, not strong, 26%.
Peach Schnapps+ ginger ale= tastes like mellow butterscotch, 24%.
Melon liquor (Midori, in most bars) + soda water = not overly sweet, 21%
Coffee liquor (Kahlua) +soda = not super sweet, 20%.
