Silver Tongue

May 05

A Fun Story About an Asshole in a Locker Room

bigsteve316:

broodingsoul:

About three things you must be sure before you read this story:

  1. I am a grower, not a show-er.  There is nothing terribly remarkable about my non-aroused junk.
  2. I literally don’t care who sees me naked in the locker room.  It took me a long time to be comfortable with my body, and I’m not in a locker room to flaunt it.  I’m there to undress, shower, and dress.
  3. My mood this morning is best summed up in these two gifs:
image
image

***
SO.

I’m in the locker room.  I come out of the shower and go to my locker, and there are three guys at their lockers in the same area, all talking to each other.  I pay them no mind because I don’t give a shit.  I open my locker.  I grab my underwear.  I drop my towel.

One of the guys thought he was gonna try and be cocky and said, “You fuck chicks with that dick?”

My inner monologue at that exact second can best be summed up with this gif:

image

I turned around, completely naked, my apparently insufficient chick-fucking dick just hanging out for the world to see, looked the dude straight in the eye and said, “No, but I can take a dick like a champ.  You tryna fuck?”

I have never seen a person so instantly regret a choice in my entire life.  He started sputtering like a bottle of shampoo that was nearly empty and then just gave up and ran off while his friends just howled.

I calmly turned around and went about my life, minding my own goddamn business like a civilized adult.

Moral of the story is,

image

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

(via wuffleton)

pyrlspite:

it’s so hard to comprehend the scale of homestuck….. people literally celebrate the anniversary of the day it began like a holiday. it spanned obama’s entire u.s. presidency. it raised a couple million on kickstarter. it crashed several hosting sites. it might as well be it’s own medium. it amassed a major presence on the internet and at cons yet it was never on tv or advertised or anything- just a comic drawn by some dude spreading through word of mouth. people are still reading and talking about it a year after it ended. it’s getting it’s own fucking game. it’s got a soundtrack with hundreds of songs spanning anything from nicolas cage saying “boner” to a goddamn symphony. this was supposed to be short but so was homestuck

(via jadewares)

[video]

darkc02:
“Mae Borowski
”

darkc02:

Mae Borowski

(via pembrokewkorgi)

sufjehdujoe:

What if babies t-posed in the womb

(via dan-mcneely-deactivated20210328)

[video]

[video]

yourplayersaidwhat:

DM (IC as NPC): …There’s a dragon and a reported wyrm speaker.
Bard: Oh my god… I can’t believe there are people who can talk to worms.

(via yourplayersaidwhat)

aquatika:
“ IT’S YA BOY BACK AT IT AGAIN
“Check out my instagram too! @aqua.tika
” ”

aquatika:

IT’S YA BOY BACK AT IT AGAIN


Check out my instagram too! @aqua.tika

(via bloodsbane)