when I was very young my mother told me “they’re going to try and teach you that we came from monkeys but that’s not true and you shouldn’t listen to them because we were made from god” and she was my mom and I was like 7, so I pretty much just went “okay, noted, anyway”
anyway like 2 years later evolution comes up in class and one of my classmates goes “is this the we evolved from monkeys thing?”
and I’m on Red Alert. this is what my mom told me about!
the teacher replies, “well, we share a common ancestor, but we didn’t evolve directly from apes. if you go back way before apes or people existed, you’ll find a different third thing we both came from. we know this because of things like fossils”
and I was like whoo! dodged a bullet there, good thing my 4th grade science class isn’t trying to teach us we came from monkeys and instead figured stuff out using fossils and taught us that instead :)
Instructions Unclear, Ended Up Believing In Evolution Anyway
Lying to children is fun when they know you are being ridiculous. When you hold up a carrot like “guys look at this huge Cheeto” and they all scream “NOOOOOOOOO that’s a CARE-OTT!”
“What? No, it’s my giant Cheeto.”
“NOOOOOOO!”
When I was a camp counselor a fellow counselor claimed that any silly camp song we sang was “his next hit single” and we should all follow him on SoundCloud and he stuck by this daily and it never ceased to amuse both the adults and the children.
When children are small and learning to count and you say the numbers out of order? Peak comedy.
“How many toys are there? Let’s see… oneeee, twooo, six!”
“NO! One two three!”
“What? Are you sure? Let me try again. One, two… six?”
“Noooooo!”
Once reduced a toddler into a fit of giggles by singing “A B C D E F Q.”
on Halloween at the store i work at there was a little boy in a Batman costume, and as I was helping his mom I kept addressing him as Mr. Superman and Mr. Aquaman & he kept correcting me, “noooo, BATMAN” until they were leaving and he very seriously told me, “actully, I’m Ryan”
every so often i remember how fucking buckshit whacked out Homestuck actually is. Every single character, no matter how charming and endearing they seem, is a loser. The author is a character within the story, who is killed halfway through and the job of writing the story is taken over by the story’s villain. Said villain is so misogynist that he wants to destroy the whole universe. Every single character dies, at least once, the only exception being a random background NPC who delivers mail. The entire plot is a vehicle to get one creepy ventriloquist dummy from point A to point B. The ICP is there too.
