i want to punch whoever said “kill two birds with one stone”. how about you kill no birds asshole. how about you leave birds alone you piece of shit
(via guardingafterdawn-deactivated20)
my clearest memory from high school is my best friend asking if i’d brought gym clothes and me asking “who the fuck is jim”
(Source: kingsoftheimpossible, via thatsthat24)
@mastermod@draciniRelatable af
(via rosexknight)
I’M DYING
(via guardingafterdawn-deactivated20)
(via thatsthat24)
“I wish I had the time to do that.”
- me, a person who definitely has the time to do that but also has terrible time management skills and most likely to just spend 4 hours getting absolutely nothing accomplished instead of the hundred other things I could and should be doing
I feel personally attacked by the accuracy of this post.
(via guardingafterdawn-deactivated20)
(Source: hilarioushumorfromouterspace, via thatsthat24)
big boss, 1972: I can’t possibly handle the pressure of having 2 kind of-sons. I need to run away and force a new man to take my identity.
venom snake, 1984: I have hundreds of sons. one is a dog. one is named fat platypus. i sent one out to sea on a lifeboat.
(Source: caden, via )
(Source: byojaku, via guardingafterdawn-deactivated20)
I knew she had a degree but didn’t know she was the most educated First Lady.
this needs to be on everyone’s dash…
Michelle was actually Baracks political advisor that’s how they met, I personally believe she should’ve been president herself
Michelle Obama 2020