Anonymous asked: magnus lived in alternia im so pissed
“magnus” is a valid six letter troll name
your name is MAGNUS BRNSDS and today is the day of your birth! its ALSO the day a giant cloud of black evil has consumed your entire planet! what will you do?
==> ALCHEMIZE TEMPORAL CHALICE==> RETRIEVE ARMS FROM ROBOT
Last night in a nutshell
(via bloodsbane)
(Context: A small party of three (I’m a bard, there’s a male cleric, and then a female paladin. ) are in a tavern. I’ve been told to play for the crowd. I scored a nat20 for a small performance with the owner of the tavern.)
DM: Alright, roll for your performance. You shouldn’t have a problem unless you nat1.
B (myself): Now I can’t guarantee a thing. *proceeds to roll a nat1*
DM: *staring at the die in a negative awe and looking me straight in the face as I put on my best smile*
DM: You sit there on the stage ready to play your lute. You reel back your hand as high as possible, and slam it down. You managed to break three strings. Everyone is looking at you, not really booing, but with a bit of disbelief.
B: …Well alrighty! *stares at lute like an idiot*
C: *casting mending while giving a thumbs up in the crowd, mouthing “I got you”*
P: *tearing into meat, not paying attention*
(Note: 5 minutes before this fail the bard managed to nat20 kazoo kid on a lute)
(via yourplayersaidwhat)
It’s time to reclaim your stolen century
(via bloodsbane)
i enjoy video games because they let me live out my wildest fantasies, like being assigned a task and then completing that task
(via bloodsbane)
[video]
[video]
Not so fast Morty 🏃🏻 you heard your mom 🙎🏼 we’ve got adventures 🔥 to go on Morty 😱😩👌 Just you 🤦🏻♂️🔫 and me 👨🔬🔫 and sometimes your sister 💁📱 and sometimes your mom 👩🏼⚕️🐎 but ‼️ NEVER ✋ your 😤 dad! 🤷🏻♂️❌😷 You wanna 🙈 know why Morty? 🙊💯 Because he CROSSED me 😡🙅♂️ Oh 😵 it gets darker Morty 😎🌚 Welcome 👽 to the 😭 darkest 😈 year of our 👨👦adventures 🙏😫 First 1️⃣ thing that’s 👩🎤 different ⁉️ No more dad Morty 🆒 He threatened 👀👎 to turn me in 🙋♂️👮 to the government 😓🙄 so I made him 🤤🐀 and the government 💩 go away 🖕 I repla😖ced them both 🌜🌛as the 😈 defacto 🤡 patriarch 👴🏻 of your family 👨👧👦and 😲 your universe 😱🌌🙌 Your mom 🐎 wouldn’t have 👋 accepted 🤝 me 🙄 if I came home 🏡 without you 👦🏻 and your sister 👱♀️ so now you know 🎓 the real 💯 reason 🌟 I rescued ⛑ you 👍 I JUST 💅🏼 TOOK OVER 🔝😵 THE FAMILY 👨👧👦 MORTY 🙍🏻♂️ And 👀 if you tell 🗣 your mom or sister 👩🏼⚕️💁 I said any of this 🙊 I’ll deny it 🙅♂️😤 And 😏 they’ll take my side 💕😌👫 because I’m a 🕺 hero 🏅🏆 Morty 😂🤣 And now 👊 you’re gonna have to do 🤹🏻♂️🐒 whatever I say 😝 Morty 😥 Forever 🕐🕔🕤🕙💀 And I’ll go out 🚶🏼 and find 🔭 some more 🙀 of that 👅 Mulan 🥋🎎 Szechuan 🐉🏮Teriyaki 😫💦 dipping sauce 🔥👌🙏 Morty 💦💦💦🙌 Because that’s 👉 what this 🎉 is all about Morty 🍗 That’s my 1️⃣ one ☝️ arm 🤳 man 🕺 I’m not ❌ driven 🚘 by avenging ✊🏻 my dead 💀 family 😭👨👩👧 Morty 💧 That 🤣 was 🙉 FAKE ✨ I’m 👨🔬 driven 💨 by finding 👀 that 😩 McNugget 🤘 🍟 Sauce 💦 I want 😱 that 😳 Mulan 🐉🥋 McNugget 🤡 Sauce 🍆💦Morty 😭 That’s 💪🏼 my series 🎬 arc 🌈 Morty 👑 If it takes ❤️ 9 ❤️ seasons ❤️ I WANT 😫 MY 👏 MCNUGGET 🍗🍟 DIPPING SAUCE 💦SZECHUAN 🔥 SAUCE MORTY 😡😵 IT’S 🤤 GONNA 🤸♀️TAKE 🚀 US 🙆🏻♂️👴🏻 ALL THE WAY 💫 TO 👉 THE 👉 END MORTY 🏁 9️⃣ MORE 💰 SEASONS 🤖 MORTY 💎 9️⃣ MORE SEASONS 🙌 UNTIL I GET 🎁 THAT 😍 DIPPING ‼️🔥 SZECHUAN 🎎 SAUCE 🍆💦😩 FOR 9️⃣7️⃣ MORE YEARS ⌛️🕰 MORTY 💀 I 👏 WANT 👏 THAT 👏 MCNUGGET 👏 SAUCE 👏 MORTY 👏
