So last week, for the humble price of $17, I ordered a copy of the original script of The Room from Tommy Wiseau’s website, which was a thing I did not know existed until like… a week ago, and anyway, it came today.
I knew TW wouldn’t let this kind of thing get out the door without some kind of personal touch, but I had no idea just how far he’d go.
For those of you who might be having a tough time reading it, it says: “to: Kraig, May all your dreams come true, love: Tommy Wiseau.”
He even went so far as to date it, BUT WE’RE NOT DONE.
He also included a shirtless headshot as soon as you open the thing up.
And last but not least, a pair of underwear with his name emblazoned on the waistband.
I cannot even begin to process all of this but yeah if you ever want to get the original, even more absurd script of The Room now you know what you’re getting into.
storytime… Mr. Wiseau came to my school one day because there was a screening of The Room (I live in LA) and stayed after for a Q&A. My friend told me this story of how she went, saw that there was Tommy brand underwear for sale and decided to get one. Her other friend also decided to get one. They decided to get another one when they saw some sort of signing deal involved. They go over to Wiseau to sign their spicy new underwear and he sees they bought three and he says, “Oh you bought three? I will bless you.” And then he puts a rosary(?) over their head and he blesses them with the religious cross over their heart or some shit. and that’s the story of how my friend was blessed by Tommy Wiseau.
I’ve seen a lot of solid additions to this post but this one is not going to be topped.
And speaking of gross bros thinking of nerd girls like fucking unicorns…
I was actually talking to a female client once about cannon-fannon and how much I love listening to her talk comics, and had a male client interupt us to tell me he has never met a chick that is into comics before, he’s never even heard of a girl being into comics before, and he has always wanted a nerdy girlfriend and that i absolutely MUST give him her number.
I actually had to explain to him that I wasn’t joking when I said she was out of his league. Yes, she is incredible, she is beautiful, she is intelligent, successful, highly knowledgeable and enthusiastic about comics, and she’s also not even going to look twice at you because literally all you got is that she fulfills a fantasy of yours.
Yes bro i get it, she’s your ideal girl. Trust me, she’s a lot of people’s ideal girl. And you’re not even on her radar. You’re not special because you’re into comics. She has a very wide range of potential partners to choose from and ‘never having met a nerdy girl before’ isn’t a good character trait, because it means you know zero women. Or zero women have trusted your creepy ass with the knowledge that they are into comics.
The most concerning part of that entire conversation was his complete inability to grasp the concept that she wouldn’t date him and his insistence that she would.
He insisted that I give her name/number/fb/actually call her and ask her to come to the studio (wtffff???) because he needed to meet her. And then just could not fathom that I refused. He seemed to be running on this idea that if she met him, she would like him. For no other reason than that he was into comics and he wanted a nerd girlfriend.
And I was somehow out of line for refusing to give my best freinds deets to this creepy nerdbro because I couldn’t possibly know that she wouldn’t be into him.
He got really upset.
He was in my studio for 45 mins arguing with me on and off about this and trying to push me into giving her number.
Out. Of. Your. League. Not on your level. Too fucking good for you. Not a possibility. You’ve got nothing she wants. You’re one of literally thousands who would want her. You have nothing to offer her. You tick zero of her boxes. You do not even meet the minimum requirements for me to even ask her.
NOT
HAPPENING
MATE.
This is why women don’t say they’re women in WoW, this is why women don’t say they’re into games irl. This is why women don’t hang out in comics stores. This is why nerd women hide one of these two aspects of themselves when interacting with nerd men.
Because you creepy as FUCK about us.
‘never having met a nerdy girl before’ isn’t a good character trait, because it means you know zero women.
when you pull your headphones out of your pocket and out comes your keys, money, tampons and russia
ok i’ve had so many people asking me why i, a boy, would have tampons in my pocket, but not a single person asking me why i, a boy, would have THE ACTUAL NATION OF RUSSIA IN MY POCKET
Everyone knows that Putin made a travel sized Russia
Russian accent:Ah yes I make perfect country to Putin your pocket
