Silver Tongue

Feb 18

doomy:
“> 5:00 AM
> alarm goes off
> get out of my double-king sized bed
> walk downstairs and microwave 5 “HUNGRY MAN” masculine testosterone burgers
> blend up my favorite protein powder
> turn on Fox and laugh at how liberal it is
> 5:30 AM
> Oh...

doomy:

> 5:00 AM
> alarm goes off
> get out of my double-king sized bed
> walk downstairs and microwave 5 “HUNGRY MAN” masculine testosterone burgers
> blend up my favorite protein powder
> turn on Fox and laugh at how liberal it is
> 5:30 AM
> Oh shit I’m gonna be late
> Get in my lifted Trump style AMERICAN MADE truck that gets 0.5 mpg
> TakeThatEcoFucks.jpg
> Go to gas station and fill up with some Premium American Freedom Liquid
> Only $5 a gallon thanks to President Trump’s incredible dealmaking
> Decide to get back in the car and continue driving
> Huge Truck Nuts swinging wildly in the breeze, have to remind myself how manly masculine I am
> See some idiot racist BLM eco protestors blocking the highway
> Deploy the TRUMP PORTABLE WALL and run them over
> Feels good to exercise my 1st amendment right by silencing people I don’t like
> MFW stupid liberal media will probably just report on how I killed people instead of all the good stuff I do for the world
> Feeling low on protein
> Pour some milk powder directly into my mouth
> 6:01
> Finally arrive at work
> Boss is livid at me for being one minute late
> Had to give up unions years ago because they infringe on our freedom
> Boss tells me I can keep my job, but my healthcare plan is terminated
> It’s OK, I don’t want obummercare. Prostate cancer heals itself, right?
> Start my shift and plunge into the coal mines God Trump has fought to protect
> Elevator cable snaps midway and we plunge into a free fall
> It’s okay, thank God we don’t have regulations hurting coal companies
> happy to die for my company
> plunge to my death
> mfw

(via )

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Anonymous asked: "you should listen to the adventure zone it has amazing worldbuilding!" Oh yes I remember the town filled with only Tom Bodetts.

bloodsbane:

???????

are you suggesting that’s not? amazing worldbuilding??

I always thought it was one tom bodett that was just very fast

Anti-gamer Leftism

(via dan-mcneely-deactivated20210328)

sodomymcscurvylegs:

When you’re going to the movies and you have to sneak all of your snacks in your asshole and your friend asks for a bottle of water:

image

(via dan-mcneely-deactivated20210328)

bumblepuppy:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

priestessamy:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

brookietf:

spindamiibo:

headcanon: there’s a daycare in at least one of the regions where instead of being used for breeding it’s Pokemon’s old friends senior dog sanctuary, where stray/lost elderly Pokemon can spend the rest of their lives at!

Definitely. <3

Old Friends Senior Pokemon Sanctuary is where I would want to work :D

[Picture of a sleepy battle-scarred gyrados sunbathing] Mr. Johannsen loves his sunshine!

[Adorable old lady comment] He’s a handsome soldier

GASPS

someone draw this :D

image
image
image

Okay sorry, I love this.

(via dan-mcneely-deactivated20210328)

polygonfighter:
“Who the fuck installed grenkle the piss goblin
”

polygonfighter:

Who the fuck installed grenkle the piss goblin

(via dan-mcneely-deactivated20210328)

Shit No One Told Me About My Period

rosexknight:

swamptrashwithasideofsass:

craftykryptonitealpaca:

I knew the basics before I got it, but I had no clue…

* The blood wouldn’t necessarily be red. When I first got my period, I spent a few min looking at my underwear wondering how I shit myself. I didn’t know the blood could look brown, or be thick.

* That tampons weren’t a good idea yet. I was 10 or 11 when I got my first period and physically smaller than an adult woman. My first attempt at inserting a tampon was very painful and unsuccessful. I wouldn’t use them until I was around 14 or so.

* That when you use pads the blood can get on your bottom and I’d have to occasionally clean off the toilet seat after using it.

* That getting your first period DOES NOT mean you’re fully developed and fully able to bear children. I could have technically gotten pregnant at that age, but I was still a child and pregnancy would have put my life in danger because I was still physically immature.

* That it wouldn’t be regular for another few years.

* That very painful cramping is NOT NORMAL once you reach your 20s and is cause for concern.

* That the blood and tissue you pass can look chunky or stringy and not like blood from a cut.

* That stress can halt your period for months BUT

* That doesn’t mean you can’t get pregnant

Feel free to add your own

*that your cycle isn’t necessarily a defined 28 days and that’s normal and fine

*weight changes and changes in exercise/regular movement (going from a job where you don’t walk as much to one where you do) can also make it off

* there is a chance that you’ll have a little pain when you ovulate (I can normally feel when I do) but if it’s bad FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THINGS HOLY GO GET IT CHECKED.

* That you can ovulate for weeks before your period actually comes.

* That birth control isn’t JUST for birth control and can often times help alleviate the pain in cramps as well as regulate your period.

* That bleeding for three months straight is REALLY not normal BUT

* That you can bleed for much longer than your cycle if you and another close female’s (usually parent, sibling, or friend) all syncs together.

* That your cycles synching REALLY isn’t a myth and is a lot of times can be more a more accurate assumption of when it’ll start than counting your days.

* That literally anything can throw your period off. Literally. Anything.

(via rosexknight)