Back at my old college there was a student lounge place I affectionately had dubbed “the weirdo lounge” because all the weirdos congregated there. You know those nerds who sit there and all they do is talk about anime, like those reddit pages, wear fedoras and shit? That kinda weirdos. So anyway the tragedy is that the Weirdo Lounge had THE BEST one person couch. It had a little laptop table attached and it was so damn comfy. Plus, it was always somewhat dark in there because of how the windows was positioned. So I’d go there to nap during my break periods. So one day I was napping when someone threw an empty plastic bottle at me and I snapped awake. A white nerdy girl from a few couches down said “I’m so sorry that was intended for my puppy to fetch!” and I’m like “DOGS?!” and I snap awake, that’s when I looked towards my foot and saw a whiteman. Sitting there. Like a dog. With his tongue out. and then he fucking barked. I was so infuriated but I handed him the bottle and he put that shit on the floor and then picked it up with his mouth. And then on all fours, ran over to the white girl and dropped it in her lap. I was so fucking upset.
Because I had to experience this post now too must all those that follow me. None of us shall remain untouched by this curse.
Why do I get the feeling this Dog Fetish Weirdo is one of those male feminists that talks about how he’s turning the table gender norms by having his girlfriend use a strap-on?
Sounds like something that may require introspection on your part, mate.
Friend,
I’m living in an age where the man about to take presidential office might seriously be a filthy piss-fiend.
Please bear with me as I try to wrap my head around the universe’s inner workings
I think Alburton and I are slowly becoming the same person. I just wanna go live in the middle of nowhere with my golden retriever and never interact with humans again.
You get out of my fucking head, forest witch
But I put flowers in all the vases and made cookies…
What kind of cookies?
Chocolate chip. peanut butter and oatmeal raisin
*hears Peanut Butter cookies*
…You can stay the night. It’s supposed to ice storm tonight.
Yay. My peanut butter cookies always make friends. I use them to bribe my neighbor into shoveling my snow.
I thought this post was gonna go one way but it completely went another by the end and I loved it XD
probably because that post was too good for this world
basically it explained how, back in 2012 when Universal Studios made an animated film rendition of The Lorax, tumblr found this gangly green noodle attractive:
and developed a unilateral obsession with him overnight, spilling into deviantart and youtube in a tidal wave of art, fanfiction, cosplay, etc.
However, Universal made the mistake of providing n o t h i n g for these fans to ship him with. There was nobody attractive enough, relevant enough, in-his-timeline enough, or not-related-to-him enough to have a stable ship. This was the spark of the spiral for the fans looking for romantic or adult content. As I told Ni: “– eventually they reared their heads back, in uniform, like a massive eldritch ouroboros, and began shipping him. With himself.”
Classic Oncelers, Greedy green-suited Oncelers (Greedlers), robot Oncelers, pimp Oncelers, old Oncelers, young Oncelers, the 1972 book version Onceler, AU Oncelers of every conceivable origin – everyone was shipped with everything. “Oncest” was coined. Look. At. This. Shit.
There was also some other golden stuff, including but not restricted to Glovecest, Empted:
and my personal favorite by the mere fact of its existence: “Money on Wheels” – a pairing that is “a personification of money and the onceler’s racecar bed”
This was a fandom scraping the bottom of the barrel and it is one of the most fascinating internet phenomenon I have ever fucking witnessed. I am obsessed with the fact that it even fucking happened at all because I’ve never seen anything else like it.
And the most interesting thing about it? It’s like it NEVER HAPPENED. The fandom just DROPPED OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH suddenly and you can’t help but feel like the whole thing was some surreal jarring nightmare.
“This has become a community crisis, America is in crisis. There is an Once-ler Fetish that has gone out of control.” -
Ed Helms, voice of the Onceler during a Q&A twitter session during the height of the fever. I’m not joking.
I have only heard of this legendary phenomenon. I’m sorry I wasn’t around to witness it XD
