So, some of you may have seen a post today about how one of the founding members of Tumblrpon, Pilkie, had recently died.
It’s complete and utter horseshit. Pilkie’s as alive as you and me. Do you want to know how I know this?
I FUCKING ASKED HIM ON STEAM.
@IHaveNoPorpoiseInLife is fucking scamming you and trying to fake a tragedy. You’ll notice I have that as an archived link. That’s on purpose, in case it gets deleted.
Not to mention, I have a sneaking suspicion it’s that DolphinParty motherfucker who was known for harassing Pilkie.
You, fuckhead, are a no-good shit-for-brains, and people like you who report fake deaths are going to Super Hell.
Skeptical Teej is starting to appear. Skeptical Teej has been told something and he doesn’t think it’s adding up.
Skeptical Teej is now wondering if he wants to be ‘that guy’ about it.
Not to be ‘that guy’…but if someone was dead because of a gas leak explosion, there would be a news story about it.
If I’m wrong on this, I’m wrong. But I’m also suspicious.
Pilkie’s dead, what other proof do you need. I find it incredibly frustrating that people are so hesitant to honor someone they thought of as a friend or idol.
I believe you have been busted Dolphin Party…I mean…whatever the fuck you call yourself now.
This guy is a fraud, this is unreal. Pilkie is dead and this guy is shitting all over his good name, you guys are sick.
I hate hate HATE all those 2edgy 4me theories about kids shows. Like Angelica dreaming up the rugrats, or the ed, edd, and eddy children being ghosts, or literally anything that takes a lighthearted and fun kids show and has to turn it into some tragic take of rape or murder or misinformed mental illness.
So you know what? From now on I’m gonna do the exact opposite. Every cool grim-dark show is now because of a bunch of children. To get us started:
Game of Thrones: A middle-school DnD campaign with the most angry, vindictive DM who has promised to kill everyone’s player characters (and their family) by the end.
The Walking Dead: Some 13 year olds playing with nerf guns, but trying to be really serious about it because they’re all self conscious about playing with toys.
Breaking Bad: a teacher gave a kid some confiscated rock candy and now they’re fantasizing about his personal life.
*blesses you all for this*
Supernatural: a couple tween goth girls RPing with their OCs
Orphan Black: A girl has way too many identical barbie dolls, and makes them over instead.
Firefly: group of white suburbia kids can’t agree whether they want to play cowboys, Star Trek, pirates, or ninjas.
Blade: revenge fantasy of a tiny angry black girl shunned by a group of Twilight fangirls.
IT GOT BETTER.
warehouse 13: two kids dream up stories behind weird stuff in an antique shop
American Horror Story: a group of kids make up their own horror stories after their parents decide they’re too young to watch scary movies on TV.
NBC’s Hannibal: A snarky vegan teenager writes a series of short stories for her creative writing class about the evils of eating meat (Freddie Lounds is her self-insert, which is why she avoids eating human flesh by being a vegetarian.)
don’t hug me im scared: it’s about children growing up.
Bruh, if you don’t think that having historically significant events well documented from multiple perspectives is a good thing, then idk what the hell u doin.
Besides, like, that is literally a Giant Monster Rampaging Through The Town. What the fuck is the everyday person gonna do other than Tweet/Instagram/Post about it going “It’s the apocalypse you guys! Eyyyy lmao #apocalypse #deathrising #nofilter”?
And heck, even if your own death is inevitable getting information out could help save other people, even if it can’t save you. ‘Here are 20 livestreams of the giant tentacle monster including how it moves and attacks, how can we beat it?’ is way more useful than ‘an entire city got wiped off the map and things smell vaguely of calimari idk man’
reblogging for this perfection: ‘an entire city got wiped off the map and things smell vaguely of calimari idk man’
Point #1 on this here article talks about Robert Landsburg, a photographer who realized he wouldn’t survive the eruption of Mt St. Helens (too close to outrun the ash cloud) and used his own body to shield & preserve the photos and recordings he’d been taking during the explosion
these surviving photographs are still CRAZY VALUABLE to this day for the rest of the volcanologist community, since actual recordings of an in-process eruption are so dang rare
on-site documentation of any major disaster is gonna be VITALLY IMPORTANT to the people who are tryna figure out how to prevent that shit
tl;dr have your phone out, make your death-by-kaiju worthwhile to the scientific community
