Fun Story: My director kept telling me and my tenor sax buddy to play softer. No matter what we did, it wasn’t soft enough for him. So getting frustrated, I told my buddy “Dont play this time. Just fake it”
Our Band Director then informed us we sounded perfect.
To my readers: “p” means quiet, “pp” means really quiet. I’ve never seen “pppp” before haha.
On the contrast, “f” means loud, and “ffff” probably means so loud you go unconscious.
I had ffff in a piece once and my conductor told me to play as loudly as physically possible without falling off my chair…
Me and my trombone buddies had “ffff” and he sat next to me and played so hard that he fell out of his chair.
The lengths we go for music.
Okay yeah so I play the bass clarinet and the amount of air you have to move and the stiffness of the reed means it only has two settings and that is loud and louder, with an optional LOUDEST that includes a 50% probability of HORRIBLE CROAKING NOISE which is the bass equivalent of the ubiquitous clarinet shriek.
One day, when I was in concert band in high school, we got a new piece handed out for the first time, and there was a strange little commotion back in the tuba section — whispering, and pointing at something in the music, and swatting at each other’s hands all shhh don’t call attention to it. And although they did attract the attention of basically everyone else in the band, they managed to avoid being noticed by the band director, who gave us a few minutes to look over our parts and then said, “All right, let’s run through it up to section A.”
And here we are, cheerfully playing along, sounding reasonably competent — but everyone, when they have the attention to spare, is keeping an eye on the tuba players. They don’t come in for the first eight measures or so, and then when they do come in, what we see is:
[stifled giggling]
[reeeeeeally deep breath]
[COLOSSAL FOGHORN NOISE]
The entire band stops dead, in the cacophonous kind of way that a band stops when it hasn’t actually been cued to stop. The band director doesn’t even say anything, just looks straight back at the tubas and makes a helpless sort of why gesture.
In unison, the tuba players defend themselves: “THERE WERE FOUR F’S.”
FFFF is not really a rational dynamic marking for any instrument, but for the love of all that is holy why would you put it in a tuba part.
This is the best band post
Everyone else go home
Oh man, so I play trombone, and we got this piece called Florentiner Marsch by Julius Fucik, and we saw this
which is 8 fortes. We were shocked until,
that is 24 fortes who the fuck does that
Who does that?
This guy. Take a good look - that is the moustache of a man with nothing to lose.
Julius IdontgivaFucik
More like Julius Fuckit
this post just kept getting better and better
This is my favorite post and always will be.
It’s back!
wait, is that the guy who had canon fires in his music?
probably because that post was too good for this world
basically it explained how, back in 2012 when Universal Studios made an animated film rendition of The Lorax, tumblr found this gangly green noodle attractive:
and developed a unilateral obsession with him overnight, spilling into deviantart and youtube in a tidal wave of art, fanfiction, cosplay, etc.
However, Universal made the mistake of providing n o t h i n g for these fans to ship him with. There was nobody attractive enough, relevant enough, in-his-timeline enough, or not-related-to-him enough to have a stable ship. This was the spark of the spiral for the fans looking for romantic or adult content. As I told Ni: “– eventually they reared their heads back, in uniform, like a massive eldritch ouroboros, and began shipping him. With himself.”
Classic Oncelers, Greedy green-suited Oncelers (Greedlers), robot Oncelers, pimp Oncelers, old Oncelers, young Oncelers, the 1972 book version Onceler, AU Oncelers of every conceivable origin – everyone was shipped with everything. “Oncest” was coined. Look. At. This. Shit.
There was also some other golden stuff, including but not restricted to Glovecest, Empted:
and my personal favorite by the mere fact of its existence: “Money on Wheels” – a pairing that is “a personification of money and the onceler’s racecar bed”
This was a fandom scraping the bottom of the barrel and it is one of the most fascinating internet phenomenon I have ever fucking witnessed. I am obsessed with the fact that it even fucking happened at all because I’ve never seen anything else like it.
And the most interesting thing about it? It’s like it NEVER HAPPENED. The fandom just DROPPED OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH suddenly and you can’t help but feel like the whole thing was some surreal jarring nightmare.
“This has become a community crisis, America is in crisis. There is an Once-ler Fetish that has gone out of control.” -
Ed Helms, voice of the Onceler during a Q&A twitter session during the height of the fever. I’m not joking.
This is a good example of what pisses me off the most about these whiny teenagers crying about “men sexualizing fandoms” and allegedly making them “unsafe for children”. Women and teenage girls sexualized a fucking DR. SEUSS CHARACTER. The next time anyone whines about “gross men” making NSFW fan art for cartoons or animated movies, just reply with one word: “Oncest”.
