My Mom’s sitting outside our house on our dock. She’s sitting on a deck chair with our house skeleton sitting beside her. She’s set up two glasses of champagne on the little deck chair table.
Our skeleton is wearing a wide-brimmed hat for sun protection.
professor: i can see you’re hard at work on your papers today!
me, furiously translating the entire bee movie script into latin: what now
Omnibus legibus aviationis, via nulla volandi api sit. Alae eius tam parvae sunt ut pingue eius corpusculum extollere non possint. Apis tamen nihilominus volat, quod nulli momenti apibus est quid homines impossibile dicant.
yknow the more jk rowlings world falls apart in america (race relations, international history, population, etc) the more i like to think that america just straight up doesnt have the statute of secrecy. european countries are falling over themselves hiding magic but come to georgia and theres a drunk redneck wizard wingardium leviosa-ing the shit out of a tractor to the delight of his drunk redneck muggle buddies in a walmart parking lot.
wizard on muggle violence is prevented by virtue of there being like a 50/50 chance that muggle is packing heat. muggle on wizard violence is prevented by knowing that wizard can give you boils spelling LIL BITCH on your forehead if you try to start something.
america is the weird redheaded stepchild of the magic world.
im not gonna stop reblogging this until this is the next Hot Fanon
english muggles come back to england and suspicious wizards meet them at the airport.
‘did you witness any strange or inexplicable acts while you were in america?’ they demand.
the english muggles just laugh in their dumb fucking faces. mate, it’s america.
what’s the difference between a werewolf and an animagus?
english wizard: *two hour lecture on legal history*
american wizard: six beers
@jumpingjacktrash congrats ive read hundreds of comments on this dumpster fire of a headcanon and yours is the best
