Silver Tongue

Nov 02

tinyluxmachine:
kikisdeliveryservice1989:
did Harry Potter really have a currency called a knut??? how did preteen (and let’s be real twenty year old) wizards deal w that??
“and how are you paying for your preordered copy of “Super Rad And Probably Very Dangerous Beasts And Where To Totally Find Them” by Rubeus Hagrid?
“with deez knuts”
This is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen I’ve been laughing for 5 minutes please send help

(via officialkeikoandgilly)

stevonnie:

stevonnie:
stevonnie:
if i ever get another chinchilla i will name him vinny the chin after the former mafia crime boss who once held me as a baby
ok i might not have been directly in the arms of vinny the chin himself now that i think about it but basically what happened is that my mom had been following his trials when it was going on back in the late 90′s and like. she was on this flight that also fuckin happened to be transporting this mob boss to his next trial so like there were a bunch of mafia people on this plane with him and my mother was like “holy shit, it’s vinny the chin” and she literally started?? talking to these mafia guys. and she had to run to the bathroom and for some reason was like “can you watch my kid for me for a second” so my mom left me with the mafia. and she kind of? didn’t think about it? and realized fully what she had done as she was washing her hands so she like runs back out and i was fine. they were playing with me and i was laughing. i think it made the news. anyway that’s the story of how baby me enamored a bunch of mobsters
my mom found the article AND the boarding pass from that specific plane trip… i didn’t realize he was literally on his way to prison… i’m crying… anyway, this is the proof behind the text post. i’m the baby

(via mbulteau)

outofcontextdnd:

“You’re confused and babble incoherently.”
“MAKE THE EMPIRE GREAT AGAIN”

(via mbulteau)

connard-cynique:

charlesoberonn:
wonder-meathead:
boyonetta:
charlesoberonn:
charlesoberonn:
This looks like a fucking parody post, or an edgy edit, but it’s 100% official real Flintstones.
Clarification: I don’t hate this book, I love it, it’s amazing. It’s just that taking a step back and looking it out of context is still really funny. Especially the line “We participated in a genocide, Barney.”
ok but imagine them in their cartoon forms saying this dialogue i’m
can we have some context to this, perhaps?
Bedrock is having a mayoral election. One of the candidates is a violent war mongering asshole that riles people up against the lizard people. This reminds Fred and Barney of their time in the army.
Back then the father of said violent candidate was riling people up against the “tree people”. Fred, Barney, and other soldiers fought what they believed to be a defensive measure against the tree people. Turns out, it was actually an invasion, in order to kill off the tree people and take over their forest to build Bedrock.
That’s what Fred means when he says he and Barney participated in a genocide. They literally did.
(Extra fun fact, Barney adopted a tree person baby after the war, and his son Bamm-Bamm is the last tree person.)
just fucking read it
http://readcomiconline.to/Comic/The-Flintstones

(via dan-mcneely-deactivated20210328)

[video]

horchatita:

ittybittytatertot:
bifca:
goddessofidiocy:
goddessofidiocy:
“ezra miller is going to be the first lgbt+ person to play a superhero!!”
i mean yes he’s going to be the first to get a solo movie but
oh, and:

all im getting from this post are that the x-men are really gay
well you’re not wrong

(via rosexknight)

onceandfuturenerd:

mostlyv0id-partiallystars:
spyinthelandofthedead:
coffeespoon-life:
Found a book that summarizes literature and literary figures in text form, and the Byron one might be the best thing to ever happen.
I’ve seen posts joking about how hard it must be to guess what internet culture is next going to find funny. As if to prove the point, here we see tumblr taking a break from Cask of Amontillado references to return to its intermittent habit of dragging Lord Byron.
Good luck, viral advertisers!
dragging lord bryon is the best and most worthy pastime
I believe this book is TEXTS FROM JANE EYRE by Mallory Ortberg, who is an American treasure.
She once did a piece when she was an editor of The Toast called “Dirtbag Beowulf,” which is a constant source of inspiration to me.

(via guardingafterdawn-deactivated20)

jaclcfrost:

the phrase “the hets are at it again” isn’t really that accurate b/c they’re basically always at it? they never stop or rest? just. there they are. always at it. being unnecessary. the rascals

(via bloodsbane)

you know what’s probably more fun than playing chess? cheating at chess

grfygrf:

prideandperdition:
ellimpala:
sorion:
responsible-reanimation:
lizardywizard:
idiopathicsmile:
“ohhh would you look at that, my pawns found jesus and now they’re all bishops”
“so i realize it looks like i’m putting a thimble on the board but actually my rooks have been using their downtime to build another rook, one that’s better, stronger, faster—”
“hey welcome back. while you left to get a snack, those six pieces you’d captured slipped their guards, tunneled to safety and emerged right in the middle of your royal palace.”
“oof, looks like you’ve got my king cornered…maybe this is a good time to mention that shortly before we started playing, my pawns and knights revolted and instituted a representative democracy. feel free to kill the puppet ruler that was the one remaining vestige of our tyranny, you cringing servant of the crown. vive la revolution!”
did you mean Mornington Crescent
If you’ve never seen this video, WATCH IT!
this is the best video I have ever seen in my entire life holy fuck
THIS VIDEO MADE ME SO MAD I WAS EXPECTING SOME GREAT NEW STRATEGY

(via deep-sea-prince)