listen up: “hark the herald angel sing/ glory to the newborn king” and “i know when that hotling bling/ that can only mean one thing” have the same number of syllables
As many are aware, in a couple months there will be no new Vines. Here are a few notes on what to expect after the shutdown:
Kudzu will die off first as it is the fastest growing vine.
Vines like Ivy covering the sides of buildings will begin to deteriorate.
Grapes will no longer grow. This means no more grape juice or wine.
Pepper will go extinct, it too grows on vines.
Animals that feed on vines directly will go extinct.
Soon after, animals that rely on vines for cover from predators will begin to die off, including most arboreal mammals, many birds and also insects.
Most larger predators will be unaffected at first, but those in regions that rely exclusively on vine-eating animals will also go extinct.
This will result in the alteration and demise of several unique ecosystems, bringing down further foods such as peaches, citrus fruits, and even most grasses, meaning livestock will suffer.
The echoes throughout the human diet will be devastating. In regions where livestock are the only viable food source, millions will die of starvation. The rotting of the animals will also cause severe air toxicity.
Resulting mass migration will cause an extreme form of cultural shock and rapid shifting of local moral and ethical values, even beyond those attributable to religion. War is inevitable.
About 80% of the human population of the globe will die within 40 years of the Vine shutdown.
With a new, lower population, many problems such as pollution and overcrowding will be resolved. The environment will repair itself.
In about 100 years, Earth will be a paradise again, perhaps in ways we can’t even yet imagine. Though the transition will be a painful time, the resulting multicultural realm will be a land of tolerance and understanding, existing in harmony with nature. Advances in science will replace the foods lost, and in time many of the animals themselves.
So though we may not like it within our lifetimes, the Vine shutdown is in fact the proper thing to do. In the coming days we may be afraid but in the coming centuries, Twitter will be remembered as the salvation of a dying world.
Fear not. Vines may die, but they shall die so that we as a species may finally truly live.
