So in lore, vampires have this trait that I’ve almost never seen used, and that’s the fact that vampires are OBSESSED with counting things. Like, the Count on Sesame Street was almost certainly created specifically as a vampire because of this piece of lore.
Like, I read this vampire book years and years ago that explained that a surefire way to protect yourself from vampires getting into your house was to spread a ton of seeds on your doorstep–poppy and mustard seeds were particularly recommended for the purpose. Basically, if you suspected someone to be a vampire, all you had to do was drop a sackful of seeds on the ground in front of them.
If they didn’t immediately start counting them, they were not a vampire. However, if they WERE a vampire, they’d be seized with the urge to count all the seeds and they would not budge from that spot until they knew how many seeds there were in total. The point was to keep them there until the sun came up and killed them, because if they hadn’t counted all the seeds by sunrise they wouldn’t be able to leave. Presumably you could just go about the rest of your evening as normal, though no word on whether it’s possible to make them lose count and start over.
Having remembered this piece of lore, I want fewer stories about brooding tortured Edward Cullen-esque vampires. I want to start seeing more stories about math nerd vampires.
Vampire accountants who are an honest company’s best asset and a corrupt company’s bane because they are frighteningly accurate with the accounts and will not hesitate to blow the whistle on a CEO scamming money because fuck you for making the numbers wrong.
Vampire cashiers that don’t need to look at the register screen because they already mentally calculated your total. 10-items-or-less vampires who know goddamn well you have 20 items in that basket and NO, you cannot just slip in with the rest.
Vampire math tutors who are constantly in high demand and have to hold lotteries to see who gets to be tutored by them.
MATH NERD VAMPIRES
If anyone would like the term for this, it’s arithmomania.
“But sir, he’s a vampire!!!”
“Vampire or not, he’s the best damn accountant we have here, and i’d let him drink my blood before i fire him!”“still less of a leech than Matt in legal. Fuck matt”
(via bloodsbane)
This past week I noticed more than a few trans women who were peeved at the whole “Vaginas Against Trump” campaign. But it’s true, when you connect all of womanhood to vaginas and uteruses, it makes women who have not been born with those parts and women who had to have those parts removed feel left out and inferior. Not to mention reducing women down to genitals really really erases the rich complexity of what being a woman is.
(via bloodsbane)
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donald trump and his camp do not want you to vote. they want you to get discouraged, they want you to step away, they want you to say all politicians are the same. because then he wins.
he knows he can’t win fair, so he’s trying to suppress the vote. fight back. see through it. do not let them use dirty tricks to win
Please vote. Please. I know this election has been hell, and there’s longer to go, but this is really important.
Please vote. Nov.8th. Be there. Make your voice heard.
(via bloodsbane)
how dare this younger generation enjoy casual hookups and temporary dating…back in my day we got married to our first crushes when we were 18 and ended up unhappy by the time we were 40
(via bloodsbane)
“Do we check out over here?”
I DONT KNOW WHAT DO THE LITERAL FIVE SIGNS WE HAVE OVER THERE SAY??
Despite literacy rates across the US, the average customer can’t read. It’s proven by a stores neglected Terms and Services, Large Signs, and Small Print/Disclaimers.
I believe a medical study was done by the Center for Disease Control to investigate this odd phenomena. Thier multiple studies show there’s a passive brain pathogen that restricts common sense, the ability to feel shame and the ability to read/comprehend text in roughly 65-80% of anyone not wearing a store uniform or having previously worked in Customer Service. The effects are erradic and sadly there is no cure.
This made this post so much better.
(via rosexknight)
“Do we check out over here?”
I DONT KNOW WHAT DO THE LITERAL FIVE SIGNS WE HAVE OVER THERE SAY??
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