older relative:
i remember back when we used to play in creeks and walk around outside barefoot. kids these days have it too easy
me:
you really should have considered that before your generations started littering until we couldn't walk outside barefoot anymore for fear of stepping on glass, and fear-mongering us with false cautionary tales that lead to us being far too afraid of everything and to grow up in an environment feeling as if it were safer inside. don't blame us for what you screwed up.
older relative:
ummmm excuse me but respect your elders
When a man is expecting a child, he is given a book to study. It holds every joke written and he must pass the dad exam or else the baby will be taken away. They spend nine months studying to pass so that when the baby arrives, the new father will be ready to say every joke.
