potatoes are actually my unproblematic fave
But they were the cause of a famine
i can’t believe u just pulled receipts on potatoes
Excuse u, my client, potatoes, were not present during the famine.
(via thatsthat24)
i-havent-been-the-same-since-i:
Imagine you’re like in a party and somebody tells you “somebody died fast we need to go to the funeral” and you’re just like
what the fuck kind of scenario is that
a gatsby party
TOO SOON
THE BOOKS BEEN OUT SINCE 1925 YOU ABSOLUTE PANCAKE
Absolute.Pancake.
(via deep-sea-prince)
Wooliemorphs
(via realestmatt)
[video]
I keep so much shit in my pants pockets that when they take them off it sounds like I was wearing weighted clothing like in DBZ
1) Obtain Duct Tape
2) Obtain a shit load of pillows
3) Obtain Poni
4) Hold Poni down and place pillows all over her body
5) Duct Tape Pillows onto said body
6) Sit her upright and watch her fall back and flail like a small child who has too many clothes on for winter
7) Leave her there so she can be safe
But pillows would stop the breathing and poni would die
(via sweet-poni-deactivated20151104)
Seriously this isn’t as bad as half the shit i’ve done.
- Drank gasoline on a bet
- Got windex in my eyes
- had the roof of my mouth ripped due to a curtain hanger
- stepping on a rusty nail
- shot myself with a nail gun
- had 200 lbs of shelving fall on my big toe
- slammed my pinkey toe repeatedly into a corner
it doesn’t even make my top 10 stupid shit i’ve done
We have all done stupid things. Even me.
1. Went through 4 weeks of straight pain and misery avoiding the doctor only to find out I had strep throat.
2. Played tug-a-war with my grandfather and using the hose, only to get a huge hunk of skin ripped off my hand.
3. Breaking my tail bone for a second time, thinking I could do a flip on the monkey bars.
4. Played with a friend’s over zealous pitt bullpuppy only to get 7 stitches in my nose. (Hooray for hospital visit.)
5. Stepped on a hunk of concrete that broke off into the pool and it getting stuck.
6. Getting Jalepeno juice squirt into my eye while cooking (THAT SHIT BURNS)
7. Landed on a burning creepy crawler plate and getting a nasty burn.
8. Getting head butted by my horse, because she was spooked.
9. Nearly getting killed 7 times. (All either animal or nature based incidents.)
10. And one of those being, being pinned to a wall by my first horse and nearly being stomped to death, because I failed to see she was not in the mood for my shit. (To be fair, I was 8 years old.)
Friend i worry for you
1) I’m blind in one eye due to a cat accident when I was 4. It physically ripped out my eye and now my pupil bleeds off into my iris.
2) I’ve broken nearly every bone in my body at least twice, minus some part of my skull and head.
3) I have broken my middle finger and my ring finger on my right hand about 4 times each
4) I broke my arm on a trampoline when I was 6 and tried to play it off like nothing happened.
5) I’ve had my foot broken by having our horse step on it when she got scared.
6) I’ve had stitches in my cheek from being bitten by a dog. Twice.
7) I have been bitten by countless snakes.
8) When I was a child I fell into a cactus patch
9) I’ve had a stick stuck in my eye. Actually stuck. Like poking into my eyeball physically.
10) Multiple near death experiences because I am short
PONI WHAT THE HELL!? I AM NOW VERY WORRIED ABOUT YOU
(via sweet-poni-deactivated20151104)
[video]
“Hey I want to return this charger I got it’s defective.”
“Alright. Let’s take a look.”
*charger is held together with electrical tape, has chew marks from small animals, etc*
“This is…super not defective ma'am.”
“Well it hasn’t been 30 days.”
“Our return policy is 15 days. Sorry you’ll have to take this up with the manufacturer.
[video]