Silver Tongue

Dec 24

[video]

garrettauthor:
charlesoberonn:
charlesoberonn:
charlesoberonn:
My Arch Nemesis: Do you know why I challenged you to this duel?
Me: You want me to stop making puns.
My Arch Nemesis: You’re right.
My Arch Nemesis: I didn’t want to do this. I once considered you a friend. It didn’t have to come to this. But the puns have to stop.
Me: It really is the duelity of man.
My Arch Nemesis: *shoots me instantly*
Me: *holds my bullet-ridden intestines in place* It all lead to this.
My Arch Nemesis: Why *shot* Won’t *shot* You *shot* Die?! *shot*
Me:
*cough* “I only had one SHOT to beat you, but you really BLEW ME AWAY.” *cough*
Immortal talking to incredibly frustrated assassin.

(via newbarrk)

brainfuzz:

drunkygoesonadventures:
dontbearuiner:
I will reblog this every Christmas season I’m on tumblr.
It’s beginning to look a lot like shit scram
This sign has never been truer than it is this year.
Merry Shitscram everyone.

(Source: revoltingchild, via newbarrk)

[video]

ratliker1917:

ratlicker1917:
ratliker1917:
the fact that pro-monarchy arguments have degenerated, over the past few centuries, from “the king rules by divine right and is accountable to nobody but god”, to “uhm the royals generate a lot of income from tourism” will never stop being extremely funny to me
the monarchs… bad. but the castles? oh, the castles are positively lush with rats… 👅
Delete this account immediately.

(via filibusterfroggo)

sabertoothwalrus:

sabertoothwalrus:
is there a name for the opposite of caricature artists? like those artists that instead of taking every identifiable feature of someone and exaggerating it, they do “studies” based on photos and still somehow manage to draw everyone with pretty barbie instagram same-facey nondescript features
this is supposed to be Ripley from Alien

(via rockboci)

thedistrictattorney:

thedistrictattorney:
Boy, I sure love being a robber in the 80’s. I just broke into this arcade to loot the machines. This machine kinda gives me the creeps so I’m spray painting the screen first :)
H. Hey,,,what’s that coming from the machine

(via turing-tested)