a harry potter au where potions is taught by gordon ramsay
neville: *messes up his potion*
gordon ramsay: *holds neville between two slices of bread* what are you
neville: an idiot sandwich
Ahahahhaha! But you know, I imagine he’d do that more to someone like Fudge, or a seventh year goofing around. He’d be consoling to a weepy first or second year, like, “Hey, look, you just need to reduce the heat and then put in the powdered dragon scales– we’ll start again. Watch.”
Then some seventh year student just mucks up their potion– “You’ve used so much bat wing, Granger is starting a coalition to protect them!”
“There is so much lavender in this cauldron that Brown is starting to look nervous”
for real though, internet english is STAGGERINGLY multi-modal. the problem with communicating via writing is that you lose certain dimensions of spoken conversation, like intonation, facial expression, body language, pauses and fillers etc, but there’s been so many linguistic innovations to maintain richness in communication, like
emojis/emoticons
use of capslock and purposefully creating/not fixing typos to convey excitement, or likewise not capitalizing anything
use of punctuation (or lack thereof) to indicate /emphasis/ or ~irony~ or apathy
reaction images and memes
use of familiar songs in tumblr text posts or vines etc
variational spellings like you/u or true/tru
bolding, italics, strikethrough, font size, line breaks, etc
(using parentheses to whisper)
tags as commentary, also the body of commonly used/commonly mocked hashtags
like i could go ON and ON about the things that internet language users have created to get around the difficulties of non-verbal communication, like ??? what other dialects can do all that and change that much in 30 years????
It was slow… That feeling of something running down your spine. A slow burn. Something that didn’t seem true until later. A rising action, if that’s even the best description. But in the glow of the TV seat, with the world black… It didn’t seem to matter.
“In recent news, the forest should experience a snowfall for the next few days.So make sure to carry an umbrella if you go outside.” The TV announcer declared. Images flashing across the screen and lighting up Silver’s face for a moment. Above her, the ruffle of leaves made her ear twitch. “But it’s the middle of summer. How can you have snowfall in a forest?” Silver smirked as she tapped the screen with her hoof. “Well, I’ll tell you how. Because the weather man is always right.” The speaker replied. Leaning against the screen. “Don’t you mean ‘Always wrong?’ Like the last five times?” “Well, chaos is a bit hard to predict.” The reporter said. Brushing their short bear and ruffling his long neck. A blue tail swishing back and forth. Until finally, giving up on trying to make their beard just right, the figure pressed against the screen. Head popping out, followed by the torso.
“Scraps, you’re the worst weather reporter I’ve seen in my life. Which is no easy feat when you can just change it on a whim.” Silver rolled her eyes as the draconequus pulled himself out of the TV. Without an occupent, the TV turned into the pile of sticks it had been earlier, and was lit ablaze to become a fireplace. “Oh, you think you’re so smart then?” Scraps grumbled as he twirled his bird-like talons. Sloth claw scrapping against a tree. “Fine, you guess the next weather storm.” “Fine. A blizzard. Trapping us in an igloo.” Silver stuck out her tongue. “But we don’t have a blizzard.” “Easy fix.” Scraps sighed.
That morning, they where buried in snow. An Igloo wrapped around them in a pillar. “YOU DID THIS ON PURPOSE!” Silver shouted. Butting her head against the tightly packed wall. An oof escaped her mouth as a weight fell onto her body. The Draconequus sticking out his tongue as his noodly body draped over. But it felt like a feather. “Who know~ The weather in this forest is crazy. Lovely weather for summer though.” Scraps teased as his tail coiled around her speckled torso.
