They find a book written in Latin… one guy doesn’t take Latin and doesn’t want to mess up the pronunciation. The girl is studying Mandarin. Another guy recommends sticking it into Google Translate but that’s likely to land them with gibberish. They leave it alone.
The car won’t start. They call an Uber.
The vampire captures the girl and insists that she wears the gown to dinner. The gown is actually hella cute. Only problem is it’s not in her size. Oh, it only comes in 2’s and 4’s? Sorry, vamp, you want me in that dress you contact the goddamn company and tell them to get their shit together.
“How did you possibly know that? It saved our lives!” “I’ve got two degrees and I spend way too much time on Wikipedia.”
They encounter a spirit that gains power the more people believe in it. One girl makes a vine and uploads with, “fakest ghost ever!!! Right??” Twenty minutes later the spirit is destroyed.
The circus is in town tonight. Except she’s lived her whole life here and the circus has never come before… it’s also in a pretty sketchy part of town, not somewhere you’d want to walk alone at night. She goes to a movie instead.
“You’d need an ARMY to fight this evil!” “Okay. I’ve got 20,000 followers, lets see how many can make it.”
The Evil Whispery Voice of Doom tells the jock that it’s going to kill his pretty blonde girlfriend. The jock gets offended because, excuse me, Cindy and I are just friends. However, Marty over there is my boyfriend and I’m not saying you should kill him, just stop making assumptions yeah?
“This spirit tried to convince me it was Jerry when it texted but its texting style is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT so yeah that didn’t work.”
We could have easily gotten lost and ended up at some creepy cabin in the woods, but luckily we all had functioning GPSs. Beach party, we’ve arrived!
“We have to find a way to destroy it! We—what are you doing?” “Looking up ‘exorcising demons’ on Google. Oh look, first hit.”
The child she bares will be the devil’s spawn. Good thing she doesn’t want kids. Or if she changes her mind she can always adopt.
“How can we possibly outwit this serial killer…” “… There’s gotta be an app for that. Lemme look.”
Only the virgin will survive… Turns out they’re all virgins. One is asexual. One wants to wait until marriage. Two just haven’t found the right person yet. One is meh about sex. So we all survive, yeah?
The girl does not fall. She was on varsity track.
“Quick! We need someplace to hide the artifact. And then decoys to confuse the beast! What have we got?” “… I’ve got a hundred plastic bags stuffed into another plastic bag.” “PERFECT.”
Dude NO ONE is cut out for retail. And you don’t start that way. Some people are better for it than others but you’re never “cut out” for it. You get used to it.
Unless you’re “cut out” to be a whipping boy for your company, rude to by customers, yelled at by customers, and generally not treated like an actual human by them you’re not cut out for it. You just get used to it. Which is bullshit.
How to be cut out for retail (at least according to the costumers at the Wallmartish store I used to work at…):
- You have to know the exact price of EVERY ITEM in the store. Even if the store is huge and sells everything from cookies to electric saws.
- You have to know the exact location of every item in the store.
- You have to know how to use every item in the store (even if…as mentioned…we had both tools, cleaning articles and food).
- If something is sold out, you should be carrying it in your pocket. Since you know…sold out doesn’t mean we’re SOLD OUT or anything.
- You have to know in advance EXACTLY how many of any given item will be sold before ordering, so you don’t get sold out during a sale. (We sold literally 8 tons of firewood in three hours once…HOW DO YOU PREPARE FOR THAT?) Regardless if you were the one ordering it or not. If its sold out its the fault of the nearest employee.
- Don’t let the cash register crash for no reason. So what if its a Windows PC that is indeed prone to crashing at unexpected moments? Don’t let it do that.
- You have to speak every language in the world in case an immigrant or tourist comes by who’s not very good at Norwegian or English.
- Be a robot. Because human beings are not cut out for this line of work.
…Seriously though everyone should work in retail once in their lives. Especially a large busy store in the middle of December. Maybe then you’d be less of a dick to those who have to work there all year.
As has been standard since the birth of Miss Pauling, it’s not uncommon to see her with a writing tool as well as an object to write on - commonly picked from fandom as a clipboard and a pen. In Miss Pauling’s ED debut, we see that secretarial role within her props as she pulls out a small notebook towards the ending.
On the main menu screen of TF2 for the Gun Mettle update, Miss Pauling’s got a dossier and a sharpie, again a nod to the clipboard and pen. This was done as a reference to the contracts you’ll receive throughout the campaign, which are stylized as dossiers with photos and some notes that you have to decode first.
Absolutely none of what I said is relevant to her props or the Gun Mettle campaign. You’re not getting that exact folder Miss Pauling is holding in-game, ever. Why? What is Miss Pauling’s top secret stuff?
The dossier she’s holding is the same dossier from Meet the Spy.
A closeup of the model from the SFMBeta files for further inspection confirms this.
