I work at a Well known pizza shop and ever since the bacon wrapped deep dish became a thing people have been coming into our store non stop.
Anyways, the bacon wrapped deep dish is only Hot n Ready between 4 and 8 pm, which means that between those times customers can come in and it will already be ready making their time in the store generally less than 1 minute.
HOWEVER, if they want to order certain products that aren’t hot and ready yet they can, but it will generally be a wait between 5 to 15 minutes depending on what they order. Of course this is a huge issue for people because they can’t fathom having to wait for something in their life.
So anyways, a customer called our store and asked to order a bacon wrapped deep dish for pick up at 2PM, and obviously this was no problem because he called well ahead. For some reason, he showed up at 1:40 and obviously his pizza wasn’t ready because it takes 10 minutes to cook and it hadn’t even been put in the oven yet (for maximum freshness). I was on my break so unfortunately my coworker had to deal with him and she started apologizing profusely when he started yelling at her and complaining about how his order wasn’t ready and the whole reason why he called ahead was that he didn’t have to wait. So my coworker told him that when his pizza is ready she will give him free bread to make up for the mistake.
Anyways, she comes back to me in the store and explains the situation asking if I could remind her when we have phone orders next time because the customer was overly rude, and I was like ok no absolutely not, he said he was coming at 2 and it’s not even 145 yet. So when the customer came back I walked up front and handed him his pizza and he just looked at me and I said with a blank stare “what?” because he wasn’t going away. And hes like “Um? Don’t I get some free bread because you guys made me wait?” and I WAS SO HAPPY HE ASKED because I smiled and said “Nah. I was the person you were talking to on the phone. You said 2PM, you showed up twenty minutes early. You yelled at my coworker and called her derogatory terms, so you can just leave my store without anything else.” The look on his face was priceless. He actually started apologizing for his behaviour and said that he didn’t realize he said 2PM and then tipped me and my coworker $10. Ah, sometimes I don’t mind my job
i’ve been trying to decide why “this is the kind of content i like to see!” is so consistently hilarious to me. i’m thinking it might be something about the appropriated corporate language? and how we’re using it to fuel tumblr-patented sad meme entropy? you know, the recentish shift in media from “journalism” (which has a vague veneer of intellectual respectability - think 60 minutes, the ny times, etc.) to “content,” which is a lot more like “stuff that takes up space.” buzzfeed. upworthy. and, technically, memes.
when a tumblr user says this in response to…i dunno, an picture of an iguana version of their favorite character, or whatever, it’s a comment on specificity, in a lot of cases. i know i use it when i find something that seems very carefully tailored to my interests. you know, at the center of a venn diagram with three or four seemingly-disparate circles. i am claiming somethign a success for my own personal focus group of one. i am voicing my approval for the corporate overlords that watch us, asking for them to generate more images of dogs wearing sunglasses or the rock with various foodstuffs.
it feels like a game. like we’re trying to confuse the dennyses of the world. what are the kids into now? the skeleton war? sonic? bath bombs? everything is content in 2015: macaroni and cheese is content. trees are content. we ourselves are content. baffling-ass content
(via )
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my name is BABY and you lean out of your car and spit at my feet it lands in a puddle in front of me and i am thirteen and in a suburban neighborhood on the way home from school and i gag and run with my backpack banging like the echo of your words against my back like you are chasing me all the way home
my name is SWEETIE and i am fifteen in the city with my friends for the first time and we get a little lost and you follow us for a full block you name my friends HONEY and DARLING and WHY THE FUCK WON’T YOU TALK TO ME
my name is NICE ASS and it’s two in the afternoon and i still feel my heart slam against my ribs because i am under a hundred and fifty pounds and i have weak lungs and weaker fists and while you saunter down the steps, swinging the beer bottle in your fist, my father who is walking behind me shouts, “she’s seventeen, you dipshit” and maybe i’m near my family but i don’t feel safe until we’re home again
my name is JAILBAIT and my friend is laughing and we just graduated high school and we feel like we are on the brink of something beautiful and terrifying and she is in heels and about to throw up and you name her DRUNK ENOUGH and i have to physically drag you off and when we go home she cries for four hours because a night that should have been just teenage fun almost resulted in the end of her trust of humans
my name is LOOK AT THOSE TITS and we are on a college campus and the boy i am with holds onto my waist just a little tighter while you drive up next to me. you name him THUG and throw a bottle at his forehead. i can’t stop shaking until long after it’s over. he says “it happens,” and i say, “it shouldn’t.”
my name is DAMN GIRL and we are walking down the street. there are ten of you and two of us and you snap a picture when you think we’re not looking. you tell us to either come inside or you’ll fuck us on the street. you all laugh like this is funny. this is compliment. this is just something boys do to get ladies.
my name is LITTLE LADY, my name is FINE MISS, my name is FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR FRIENDS, my name is LOOK ME IN THE FACE, my name is STOP FROWNING, my name is SMILE, my name is WHY DID YOU EVEN GLANCE AT HIM YOU WERE ASKING FOR IT, my name is THIS IS A COMPLIMENT so i looked it up according to Oxford that’s “a polite expression of praise or admiration” i think you’ve got the definitions mixed up
my name is PRETTY THING, my name takes nice words and make them into bullet wounds my name is NICE BODY and no girl i know has dated a man who catcalled her, my name is GREAT RACK and it turns out that if you shout things at a stranger, they sound like knives more than flowers, my name is WOMEN LIKE YOU NEVER KNOW THEIR PLACE and every single “nice” thing you say to a woman is something you’d never utter to another man because you know that it’s derogatory, my name is PRINCESS and A REASON TO GET PUT IN PRISON and if another man spoke to your mother sister girlfriend like that, you’d kill him
my name is SEXY and every time i hear someone raising their voice i am thirteen again and i don’t know who you are and i’m running home with a weight on my shoulders and your words like a slap to my spine and your laughter like a hanging, i am scared and alone and suddenly so small,
and compliments are supposed to make me feel good not afraid for my life, compliments are a way of saying “i care and i appreciate you and i thought you should know it,” and if you really meant it as a compliment, you’d care about how i would take it - but you don’t mean it like that, you mean it to show off, you mean it to make us object, you mean it to shove our names into your back pocket so you can tell your friends “i saw the HOTTEST LITTLE THING yesterday” and they can groan about how we just walked away because you don’t see us go home with keys in our fists and all the lights on and we keep 911 dialed just in case and we triple-check our locks and we don’t fall asleep at all because your compliment knocked us over and took who we are
if we are all saying “it doesn’t sound like a compliment, it sounds like a threat,” if you really wanted to make us feel good - wouldn’t you stop doing it?
I had a client who
needed a website for her massage services. She said the name, Totally U,
but the printed brochures and bus bench ads all said Totality U.
I thought she
somehow didn’t realize the mistake
Client: No, I
know. There’s another company in town called Totally U, so I couldn’t use that
name.
I still don’t know
how she explains it to customers.
