Chapter Summary: Suzie Sterling has just had an otherworldly encounter
with her literature teacher, and is supposed to meet up with her
apparently magical grandpa to figure out just what the heck happened and
why he went missing for so long.
Gonna make up my own side of the Force called “The Side That Fucks” because the light side won’t let you have a relationship but the dark side won’t let you value anyone besides yourself, so obviously using the force while being in a loving, committed relationship requires its own side for some fucking reason.
It’s called “The Side That Fucks” instead of “The Side That Loves” because I also want the light and dark side to look shitty and lame by comparison, because they are.
Light side is definitely the worst one because they won’t even let you have platonic familial relationships. If you become a jedi and ever worry about how your mom is a slave on Tatooine you’re basically doomed to become a Space Hitler, and Yoda will remind you of that fact every time you speak to him. At least the Sith can have, like, a Father/Son business, although dad will expect his son to murder him eventually (and be proud of him when he does because, y’know, no healthy relationships for Sith, either he kills you or you kill him).
Rules for The Side That Fucks Force Users:
1. Don’t be a dick
2. The compassion you have for your loved ones should be extended to all people
3. Freedom is the right of all sentient beings
4. Every The Side That Fucks user gets to have at least one cool alien monster as a mount
5. No Force power is off limits so long as you subscribe to rule 1, there’s no reason shooting lightning from your fingertips should be inherently evil
6. Every thursday you gotta cook a porg with force lightning, trust me it’s delicious
7. Just practice some self restraint, it’s not that fucking hard
