Alien: This title is misleading. Human: How so? Alien: What is modern about any of this warfare? Alien: They don’t even have robots! Human: Give it 8 more games and then it’ll kick in. ———————————————————————————————————–
Alien: What is so special about this “bard” that he deserves his own tale? Human: He can bullshit himself out of any situation. Alien: Isn’t that every human though?
———————————————————————————————————–
Human: What do you think? Alien: Seems pretty average. Human: Average? Human: You have genetically modified super soldiers running around in power armor wielding chainsaw swords. How is that average? Alien: It’s adorable that you don’t know that’s how the rest of the galaxy sees humanity anyway.
———————————————————————————————————–
Alien: Friend human, I need help with this game. Human: Alright. Alien: No matter how many blocks I align the game will not end. How do I finish it? Human: You finish it when you lose. Alien: Why do your people torment yourselves so much?!?!
———————————————————————————————————–
Alien: Why does the god of war have a son? Human: Because he had sex with someone. Alien: Absurd! The god of war is all about war! Human: …….. Human: Feel like you didn’t see a few of the cutscenes from the original game.
———————————————————————————————————–
Alien: I still don’t understand why you are so afraid of this enemy. Human: Picture a hand grenade. Alien: Okay. Human: Now give it legs. Alien: Alright but wh- Human: Now imagine every time it sees you it pulls its pin and runs headlong at you. Alien: I see your point. ——————————————————————————————————— Alien: This political leader’s daughter is most infuriating! Every time I turn my back she gets kidnapped. Human: Yeah, she’s the worst. Alien: Can….can we just let her be kidnapped? Human: Believe me, we’ve tried it.
———————————————————————————————————–
Alien: If the hero of the story is this tiny boy elf child, why is the title not named after him? Human: Because the princess always has to make it about her.
———————————————————————————————————–
Alien: How many games are in this series? Human: 16 I think. Alien: Do you not understand the definition of “Final”?
———————————————————————————————————–
Alien: This hero is just as bad as the villains. Human: How can you say that? He doesn’t kill anyone. Alien: No, he just breaks several of their bones and leaves them either tied up hanging from lampposts or in piles of snow where they collapsed and will most likely die from hypothermia. Human: Okay, he might be a bit of the bad guy.
———————————————————————————————————– Alien: You humans are all bluster. Human: Oh yeah? Want to play a documentary game about our strongest human? Alien: I’m sure it is nothing spec- *Sees human bring a starship crashing down into a planet with a hand gesture* Human: You were saying? ———————————————————————————————————– Alien: I was surprised to see you had this documentary in your collection. Human: *Sees game* Human: That’s just a video game, it’s not real. Alien: I must disagree. The green crystals that spread across the galaxy are well known to my people and we were able to tame them with the help of the prophet. Human: Wait…what?!? Alien: Nod for life.
———————————————————————————————————–
Alien: So these people are trapped inside a mall… Human: Yes. Alien: and start going crazy in it turning on each other… Human: Pretty much. Alien: all while you take pictures of it? Human: Mhmm. Alien: Do such things happen in real life for your people? Human: We call if Black Friday, and nobody makes it out alive.
———————————————————————————————————–
Alien: What a strange weapon this is, but so fun to beat people with it! Human: That’s not a weapon. Alien: Then what is it? *human whispers in alien’s ear* Alien: EW! Oh gods! Why would you beat someone with something like that!?! Human: Because it’s funny and that’s just how Saints Row.
———————————————————————————————————– Alien: If the objective is to push this bomb carrying device, why am I the only one here? Human: Because there are no objectives, only kills.
———————————————————————————————————–
You ever make a whole fuck ton of overly complicated and completely irrelevant lore for the story you’re working on, knowing you’re never gonna use it, but you’re having fun anyways?
Alien: Would you like to watch this movie with me on TV? Human: What’s it called. Alien: Oldboy Human: *Dives for remote to change the channel to protect innocent alien friend* ———————————————————————————————————- Alien: I thought police were meant to diffuse conflict situations. Human: They are, but that guy was a rapist so it’s okay to shoot them in the dick.
———————————————————————————————————– Alien: This idea of a theme park for genetically recreated animals sounds like a wonderful idea. Human: There’s about five movies that says otherwise.
———————————————————————————————————-
Alien: I do not understand why you would be afraid of a toy that came to life. Human: It’s all fun and games until the toy pulls a knife and tries to stab you with it. Alien: Could you not just, what’s the word, “punt” the toy once it got close? Human: Thinking about it, you probably could.
———————————————————————————————————-
Alien: Run the plot by me one more time please. Human: It’s a tornado. Human: That’s full of sharks. Alien: This is why the universe doesn’t take you seriously.
———————————————————————————————————-
Alien: And this one? Human: The creature is part shark, and part octopus. Alien: Why are you like this?
———————————————————————————————————-
Alien: Another one!? Human: This one is about a ghost shark. Alien: What is your obsession with sharks!?!?
———————————————————————————————————-
Alien: I swear to the gods if this one is another shark movie. Human: Don’t worry, this one is about a human that gets turned into a monster. Alien: That sounds interes- Alien: *Watches the scene* Alien: He’s getting turned into a gods damn shark! Human: It’s a half man half hammerhead, it’s different.
———————————————————————————————————-
Alien: What chance do these soldiers have against the wolf men? Human: Well, they’re all from the UK so they could probably kill them with the amount of different swears they can throw out. Alien: And that works? Human: Some people just get too scared to respond and leave so maybe?
———————————————————————————————————-
Alien: So you built a city over an area that could potentially develop a volcano? Human: Yup. Alien: WHY?!?! Human: In our defense we didn’t know it would appear in Macarthur Park, we were hoping it would’ve just been Orange County.
———————————————————————————————————- Alien: So he killed all those people because they stole his car? Human: No. Alien: No? Human: He killed them because they killed his dog.
———————————————————————————————————-
Alien: So it is a dream, within a dream, within a dream? That makes no sense. Human: Look, don’t over think it. Just look at the cool buildings flipping around.
———————————————————————————————————-
Alien: So your country turned an entire island into a prison and then sealed it off? Human: Pretty smart right? Alien: Then why would you have your president fly over it if there was even the slimmest chance they could crash and be stuck in it? Human: I said the idea was smart, not the president.
———————————————————————————————————-
Alien: I do not like this human. Alien: He goes into situations guns first even when fighting a sand monster. Human: You shut your mouth! Brendan Fraser is a national treasure!
———————————————————————————————————-
Alien: Do you want to watch “The Thing” with me? I’ve yet to see it. Human: That depends. Alien: On what? Human: If you’ve had lunch yet or not because I’d rather not be in the splash zone.
when you make a tumblr post that gets a lot of notes this screen appears
This is like reading a tweet by a rich person saying “when you have too much money lol”
money has use unlike notes. attention on this website only gets you stalked and harassed, which I can say from experience
why do i have 15000 followers and no money
why couldnt i have no followers and 15000 money
15k followers could be worth some money on a different site. 15k twitch subs would be bangin but instead on tumblr it’s like a fucking punishment is2g.
