“And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away.”
“Jesus, how can I avoid sin when all these hussies keep revealing the fact that they have bodies?!”
“Hmmm, tough call bro. Have you tried gouging out your eyes so you don’t have to see all those bodies anymore?”
“wut”
“What?”
“Shouldn’t you tell them to… stop dressing like that or something?”
“Don’t see why. It’s not their fault that the fact that they have bodies makes you a fucking sinful horndog. Gotta fix that problem yourself, buddy. Go on, blind yourself.”
“Uh….”
“Or learn to keep it in your g’damn pants no matter what they’re wearing.”
He goes on for like several examples too.
“How can I avoid like, an accidental slip of the hand when…they’re dressin like that?”
“Cut it off.”
“wut”
“Cut it off. Your hand. If it’s a problem, stop having a hand.”
Prime example of why being a fanfic writer is painful
star wars fuckery to english glossary: the reader’s digest version
the star wars universe has no official name but in fandom you’ll see it shortened to GFFA for “galaxy far, far away”
glass - transparisteel
metal used in construction - durasteel
very strong space-plastic (used in stormtrooper armor) - duraplast
tablet computer (analogous to a PADD in trek) - datapad
rather than paper, handwriting is usually done with a stylus on flimsiplast (flimsi/flimsy for short)
holos are 3-d videos or videomessages, recorded and played on a holoprojector (these are often seen in small formats, palm-sized - analogous to like. a GoPro.)
we don’t drive cars, we drive landspeeders or speeder bikes
we don’t shoot guns, we shoot blasters
if you didn’t bring a knife to a gun fight, you perhaps brought a vibroblade instead - an edged weapon that, you guessed it, vibrates. little ones could be called vibroshivs or vibroknives. we actually got to see polearm versions of these in The Mandalorian! it was very exciting.
robots in GFFA are, of course, droids. astromech droids (astromechs) are the like. iphones of the droid world - ubiquitous, multipurpose, most with a similar aesthetic. R2-D2 and BB-8 are both astromech droids. human-shaped droids like C-3P0 are protocol droids.
got a papercut? a nasty flesh wound? a missing chunk of your torso, perhaps? slap a bacta-patch on it or take a dip in a bacta tank for a soothing treatment with this all-purpose miracle healing goo. this is what diapered Luke is bobbing around in during the early part of Empire Strikes Back.
you’re supposed to say kriff/kriffing instead of “damn,” “shit,” or “fuck/fucking,” but this is for cowards. let Obi-Wan cuss.
midichlorians - ignore them.
before the Empire comes to power, baby jedi who can’t hack it as knights or are never chosen to be Padawan apprentices become members of the Service Corps, the branches of which are the Agricultural Corps (AgriCorps), Medical Corps (MedCorps), Educational Corps (EduCorps), Exploration Corps (ExplorCorps)
dates are expressed (typically) as [date] Before the Battle of Yavin (BBY) or [date] After the Battle of Yavin (ABY). for instance, the sequel trilogy begins in 34 ABY.
and, yes: that famous cantina tune from Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes is in a musical style called jizz. because star wars is incredibly stupid.
popcorn is called bang-corn, because obviously the earth-centric aspect of popcorn is the popping, not the corn.
How dare you. The animation for Shrek at the time was INSANE.
I feel like what people who were born after Shrek always miss is that it was actually a huge unironic cultural sensation. The minions want what Shrek had. The mcu sits awake at night cursing lord farquaad because they could never have a villain as well written as him
Shrek was a revolution for 3D CG animation.
Compare human figures in Toy Story (1995)
Toy Story 2 (1999)
Monsters Inc. (2001)
Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius (2001)
and Shrek (2001)
Even Shrek himself counts
Look at that detail - Shrek and Farquaad have subtle stubble, Shrek has liver spots on his scalp, characters have pores on their skin, Shrek’s ears here even have a subtle transparency like real skin and cartilage. His linen tunic has scruffy and rough edges and lint bobbing on the shoulders. Shrek doesn’t just represent a step forward, it represented a BIG jump. Look back at the early 3D Pixar films and you’ll see a progression in what 3D software could effectively render - first plastic toys, then chitinous insects, then scaly or leathery monsters with an enterprising look into the astoundingly complicated field of hair and fur. Shrek is a joke now, but it revolutionised the field of animation. Shrek finally prompted the Academy to add an Award for Best Animated Feature; after Beauty and the Beast lost Best Picture a few years before, Shrek was the point they could no longer dismiss the art and effort that go into animated films.
It also killed interest in 2D animation in the west but that’s none of my business
