I love to read the notes on this post, you guys are amazing!
This is satire worth of the onion
I have friends who have dogs, and I have never kicked one of their dogs even once or told them that their dogs are pieces of shit. They don’t know I hate their dogs! Because I have never personally hurt THEIR dogs or THEIR feelings, and they don’t know how I feel, and therefore nobody in my life will hold me accountable, I think I have earned pushing the button to harm a dog neither I nor my dog fan friends have ever met. Because I really like fart sounds and there are TONS of dogs.
or
There’s so many people pushing the button right now, one more dog really doesn’t make a difference. The inventor of the button surely won’t feel validated by a number that is one higher.
or
I don’t know why dogs think they are people. But I don’t support anti-dog legislation. I would never. They should have the same rights as people. I just don’t see how allowing people to optionally press this fart sound button is the equivalent of saying they should have no legal rights. Me enjoying this fart sound isn’t making other dogs’ lives harder. You know. Legally. I’m not taking their rights away. Just trying to enjoy myself in a capitalist hellscape where there is no ethical button-pushing.
or
Dogs are predators and I heard some dogs dress like people and wait in bathrooms to bite real people and until dogs fix that we should be allowed to push the fart button as much as we want. I’m not going to care about how many dogs get zapped until they fix the much larger problem of letting dogs in bathrooms.
or
I want to know what the fart noise sounds like so I can describe it to people who don’t want to press the button. It’s a price I’m willing to make the dog pay so I can have a firsthand perspective.
or, actually
It’s a fart button?! That’s a spoiler, and that is way worse than shocking the dog!
mothers and fuckers of the jury. “Dead dove: do not eat” is a label on a bag in the fridge. It means “the content of this bag is exactly what is labeled”. It does not mean “trigger warning uhhh something”. In fact, it means the exact opposite of “trigger warning uhhh something”, because tou use it with other tags. You write a fucked up fic with extreme violence and gore, you tag it as “extreme violence”, “gore” and you tag it with “dead dove: do not eat”. You write a fic with emotional abuse, gaslighting and manipulation, you tag it with “emotional abuse”, “gaslighting” and “dead dove: do not eat”. You write a fic with your extremely niche kink that appeals to like 3 other people and may skeeve out the rest of the fandom, you tag that with your kink and “dead dove: do not eat”. It’s so people know you’re really mean the content warnings.
It’s NOT a catch-all term for “uhhh this may be fucked idk”. TAG YOUR SHIT GENEROUSLY.
“We don’t tolerate wrinkles” is a MAD thing to say. Girl what?
The worst part is that this straw was most likely made for oral motor disabilities where the usual straw position would be difficult to use due to not being able to generate proper suction for any number of reasons. And it was co-opted by this “anti-aging” bullshit. Everyone in the notes saying you’d smack someone you saw using this— I understand the frustration about it in this instance but don’t make assumptions about anyone you’d actually see using it. There are legitimate uses for this outside of the harmful industry that stole it.
I thought you might find it funny to know that I helped run an event at my college with the Art Club there, and not only did I get approached by someone asking if I watched your videos, but in nearly every photo taken for the club social media, I appear in it with one of your wacky shirts
I hope they like the limited 3D graphics used on the shirt, because they're very charming
