dear caretakers of children: stop telling kids “I don’t care who started it!”. you’re teaching children to ignore unequal power balances. that leads to legitimate belief in things like reverse racism, misandry, heterophobia, etc. you’re teaching children that it’s wrong to retaliate when they are wronged. “who started it” is very, very relevant.
It can also teach them that defending themselves is wrong and set them up for abuse later in life.
It always matters who started it. One person is defending themselves, and one person instigated it. When you tell them you “don’t care who started it” you’ve taught one of them that if they defend themselves they will be punished for doing so. You’ve taught the other one that they can do whatever they wish to others, no one will punish only them for it, their victim will be seen as equally accountable for what happened.
Is that really a lesson you want your kids to absorb?
Wow that is strange that it seems so normal to hear “I don’t care who started it!”
I…. wish I would have heard this more….
All these “zero tolerance policies” really ram home these same terrible lessons. In many schools, getting punched in the face is punished equally with punching someone in the face.
Me: “Hi, it’s Dr. Blank. What’s going on with Doofers?”
Owner: “He had surgery Wednesday and when we took the bandage off leg, the bone is showing!”
Me: “I see we neutered Doofers on Wednesday. Nothing was done with his leg other than a catheter. How long ago did you notice this?”
Owner: “Wednesday”
Me: “His bone has been exposed since Wednesday?”
Owner: “Yes”
Me: “I’m sorry, this sounds serious. Can you send a photo?”
Owner:
“His skin is gone”
Me: “Ok. So, his fur has been shaved for the IV catheter. But his skin is intact, is there a wound you can see?”
Owner: “You can see the bone right there. It wasn’t like this before the surgery.”
Me: “You can see the shape of his bone, yes, but his skin is still covering it. If you look at your own wrist see how you can see that bony bump? But it’s not exposed bone, it’s covered by skin.”
Owner: “His skin has been shaved off. His arm is skinny.”
Me: “His fur is shaved off. His skin is under the fur. It’s like when you get a hair cut.”
Owner: “But I can see the bone.”
Me: “Ok well let’s get him in for an appointment because that is serious. You can come right now.”
Owner: “I can’t come until Wednesday.”
Me: “We really need to see him, he could be very sick.”
