Found this one that checks all the boxes on r/boomerhumor.
Wow
Weirdest experience I ever had with this is with a customer at work.
It’s not an uncommon occurrence for men in their 40s and 50s to refer to their wives as “old bags”, so whenever I do the whole “Would you like a bag” spiel, there’s a 50/50 chance they will point to their wife and say “No thanks I have one right here” or say “Nah I left her at home” Or something else awful and then wink at me and call me darling or sweetheart and just make me want to be smited by god right in that second.
However there was one customer that came in and did this whole song and dance. Not out of the ordinary. What was, however, was how he then followed it up by going “I’m kidding, I’m divorced ha ha.” Then, his face drops and he turns to his friend with a look of absolute horror and goes “Wait, that’s probably why. Do you think that’s why she left me Andy? Because I said things like that?” And then proceeded to look like he was re-evaluating his whole life as his friend led him out of the store.
TL; DR = Boomers are weird and this one was given a glimpse behind the veil of self awareness in a Tesco Extra
The amount of elderly couples that come to my store who are always so mean and nasty to each other is crazy. I don’t expect people to be lovey-dovey all the time, but I mean they bicker, argue and talk to each other like they’re not even friends, like they’re just tolerating each other’s existence. All I think about when I interact with them is “my gosh I NEVER want my marriage to turn out like that”
If I was going to put the Horrible Goose in a D&D game, I wouldn’t make it some big high-CR threat – it’d just be a regular goose that’s capable of regular goose stuff, with three significant exceptions:
1. It can show up anywhere, even if there’s no reasonable way for it to have gotten there.
2. It seems to have limited ontological inertia. If the players imprison it, it vanishes from its prison when they’re not looking. If they kill it, another goose shows up eventually. It’d be impossible to prove that it’s always the same goose, save for the third notable trait…
3. …namely, that it doesn’t show up in divinations. Like, at all. Predictions don’t take it into account. Scrying on its location reveals an empty room. Spells that would detect it or read its mind act like there’s no valid target present. If the cleric communes with their god and asks about it, their god has no idea what the cleric is talking about. It might take some doing to arrange for the players to become aware of this property, so don’t force it – the opportunity will arise!
There we go. No goofy boss monster tricks, yet it’s guaranteed to drive your players nuts – not even by harassing them, necessarily, but just by existing as they try to figure out what it means, particularly once they learn of the third trait discussed above.
cancel culture is a bit silly when you get in trouble on twitter for calling someone a homo when you were 15 not when you are socially ostracised for being a billionaire who raped over 90 women
