aren’t gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn’t maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall
Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.
Well unless the mall is his native territory I think I’m fine, I wasn’t planning on smiling at him
This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.
Misguided! I would much rather have a mallmate I can easily see and hear coming. I’m confident I can stay out of the gorilla’s way, but if I step on a snake or one otherwise gets the jump on me, it’s all over.
It’s not just about the physical danger either, it’s about my mental health. One gorilla, unless he’s actively mad at me, I just keep a healthy distance between us and make sure I never get trapped. With the snakes, it requires a lot more constant vigilance
They should substitute “chimpanzee” for “gorilla” in this hypothetical.
if it was a chimp i’m taking the fucking snakes
Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I’m not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.
Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.
this is too good to leave hidden in the replies
fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard
I FINALLY GOT TO USE THE ‘well i don’t trust the government’ AGAINST AN ANTI-MASKER THIS WEEKEND
i was buying wood at the camp ground and the store clerk pitched a bitch fit about not being able to understand me through the mask and then rolled her eyes and informed me we don’t have to wear those anymore bc the mandate’s already been lifted
AND THE LOOK ON HER FACE
WHEN I LOOKED HER STRAIGHT IN THE EYE
AND SAID
“oh, well I don’t trust what the government says. I’d rather make up my own mind.”
UNO REVERSE MOTHERFUCKER
ID: tweet from @ShotgunWife with text reading “just some ideas” followed by a meme image of a generic, black mask overlayed with the following text.
keeping wearing a mask because it’s fun…
use these lines when asked “why are you wearing that?”
“it’s a free country, I ain’t no sheep, no government gonna tell me when I can wear a mask, my body my choice, it’s for religious reasons, I’m just ugly fuck off.”
The last line of text in the image reads by “now it’s our turn”.
/End ID
responded to a customer with a southern accent why I still wear one with “‘Cause I look like the wrong end of a dead donkey.” using the smallest bit of a twang in my voice, and he stopped, blinked a few times, and went “A'ight. fair ‘nuff.”, nodded, and then I helped him pick out a leaf blower while he self consciously put his hand over his mouth.
We’ve reached a point in time where something like Happy Tree Friends, once a well known internet cartoon, is so irrelevant that the youth can be tricked like this
are you familiar with Articuno, the legendary Pokémon that’s a combination Ice-type and Flying-type? well, this is the end of the pointy crest thing at the top of its head.
hey did you know how big an albatross was because I
VERY
fucking
did not
i’m so glad people are learning this.
I… I knew in numerical values how big they were, but I’ve never seen them next to humans before
A LORGE BIRB
I thought albatross was another word for “seagull” not for “terror of the fucking sky”
The reason albatross are so huge is because they need huge wings for their unique lifestyle.
Albatross can go months, if not over a year without seeing land.There is a pocket of air trapped between wave fronts and they just ride ontop of it. To make that work, they need huge wings. If the winds die they rest on the surface, and wait for the winds to return; the huge wings mean it’s not worth it to fly any other way. When they need to eat they pluck fish and squid from the surface, and sometimes dive. Nobody is entirely sure if they sleep on the wing, and if so, how.
The large wings also mean that taking off and landing are the hardest parts of flying for an albatross. Generally they avoid it, but for nesting and resting, it’s unavoidable.
Albatross have complex mating dances, and selecting a mate can take years; as they narrow down partners they create their own dancing language that they invent themselves. Once half of a pair has died, that dance is lost. These couples do not travel together once their chick has grown (and it is always a single chick at a time). Instead they will separate to travel the world, not seeing each other again until it is time to return to the island they themselves hatched from, as have hundreds of generations before them. Wanderers, who always find their way home.
ALT
