My favorite form of redemption arc is “I hate that I have morals now”
Like “I realized that I was in the wrong and now I will work hard to atone” is good and all, but “how dare you infect me with morals” will always be so much more entertaining
When they first started dating, my best friend’s boyfriend was like, “I just kinda feel like you two are uncomfortably close sometimes. All of my friends agree that it’s really weird, and I think we need to establish some boundaries.”
And I sat him down and gave him this huge speech, like, “Listen, the ability to maintain intimate, long-lasting friendships is a sign that your partner is well-adjusted! It’s a little worrying that you’re feeling insecure about your partner having a healthy, normal friendship.”
Only for her to walk in two seconds later and say, “This drink is disgusting, you have to try it,” and, instead of offering me a sip, take a huge swig and spit it directly into my mouth from like three feet away.
There’s just so much going on here but I want to focus on the fact that this apparently happens so often that you saw her take a swig and instinctively opened your mouth for her to spit in it.
When Caduceus casts Commune: You feel the presence of the Wildmother gently shroud you with her maternal glow, the breeze glides through your hair and it feels like coming home
When Jester casts it: Artagan jogs up the hill in his booty shorts carrying a flagon and panting
we were discussing wills and inheritances in the breakroom today and one of the boys brought up that he heard if you hate someone in your family, you’re supposed to leave them something, literally anything, even if it’s just like 1 penny, so that they can’t sue and say you just forgot them, and one of the other boys said why wouldn’t you just say like “I specifically do not leave anything to this person” and one of the girls piped up “No, leave them 1 penny, it’s a bigger fuck you” and then she paused and goes “No wait, tell them that you leave them everything in the box you’ve buried in the woods and they have to go find it and dig it up and then they can have everything in it, but it’s just 1 penny” and because I am a writer, and thinking up wild things to have happen is part of the writing job description, I (without looking up from my computer where I was currently writing a story) said “or a bomb. I mean, you hate them right” and i looked up and everyone was looking at me and the girl (who FYI is a horror movie enthusiast and I had figured on appreciating the joke) goes “well. I mean, what are they going to do, arrest me? I’m dead.” and I wish I could bottle the looks on the boys’ faces.
Every time a racist gets mad when talking about the Civil War you just gotta make your name for it longer and more truthful
Oh, you call it the “War for Southern Independence”? How about the Great Union Victory? The Yankee Triumph? The War of Southern Aggression in Defense of Slavery? The War of What W.E.B. DuBois Called White Southern Moral Cowardice, Fought and Lost by Weak Men and Traitors?
You dont have to suck Yankees off that much lmao its not so black and white
I’m sorry are you upset about something I said concerning the War Where All The Southerners Had Little Dicks And Cried Like Babies When They Got Their Asses Kicked (1861-1865)
the war of southern tantrum that was was such a minuscule portion of time in history that spongebob squarepants has been running four times as long as the confederacy existence
