Silver Tongue

Mar 18

ghc:

starofjudgement:

hey guys reminder to not make “feral” jokes because se hjsh skjdjksj jsdjdh jj jhjhfhjs hhsu iuehsjd mbns hsdkjwbnjk oiasioi ajshjdsaj bjfkdjfbgjkahw hahsh shsh hhskshf aadas hfhfhasgdagsd ddd hdhs qjjq kjqwjk bhassakjafb 

this is written like one of those fallout terminal entries where during the last entry the author succumbs to radiation poisioning mid sentence

(Source: westley2, via taffybuns)

jitterbugjive:

jitterbugjive:

having a painful zit on the nose is the worst

sunnyside-art

What about INSIDE the nose?

image

Originally posted by d-parke

ever had one in the ear?

(via jitterbugjive)

badjokesbyjeff:

A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. Six months later she awakes, and asks the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, they’re both fine. Luckily, your brother was here to name them for you

Woman: Oh no! Not my brother, he’s an idiot! What did he name the girl?

Doctor: Denise

Woman: Well that isn’t so bad, and what did he name the boy?

Doctor: Denephew

(via chefpyro)

theglowpt2:

if you brought shakespeare back to life and showed him the lion king i bet he’d be like “this shit fucks why didn’t anyone tell me i could use lions” 

(via chefpyro)

wildxwildxwest:

Hey you, you’re finally awake. You were trying to cross the border right? But you’re dummy thicc and the clap of your ass cheeks lead you into an imperial ambush. Same as us and that thief over there.

(via stemmmm)

dragongf:

Some ppl say comedy is dead cause of “political correctness” but like john mulaney did an entire bit on captchas and bo burnham did an entire bit on not being able to fit ur hand inside a pringles can so really anything is possible as long as ur actually funny

(Source: whalien96, via nofacednerd)

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judgingyourgrammar:

theocseason4:

image

Scream

So this was in the Boston globe, and if I hadn’t read it myself I would have thought it was an Onion article. The lady wants walls again because now when she is working in the kitchen, her husband is in full view sitting watching TV and doing nothing. When they had walls, she was basically less aware of how ignored she was while being a hard-working woman and housewife. They don’t need walls, they need a marriage counselor.

Maybe the true walls were the friends we made along the way

(via stemmmm)