Imagine going to the Oracle at Delphi and it’s one of those days where her brain’s overshot the immediate future so all she’s doing is spouting no context memes.
Some Greek statesman: Great Oracle, will my city survive the attack from the Phoenicians?
Oracle, starring at the wall: They did surgery on a grape
Some poor fuck that’s traveled on foot for five days to get there: Might Oracle, how can I save my family from destitution?
Oracle, face down on the tile: To the left, take it back now y'all
This is quite possibly the funniest thing in existence
you go to see the oracle and shes just standing in the lucky luciano pose
If I was ever slated to meet Donald Trump, I’d stuff my pockets with those little hand sanitizer bottles. Every time he’d shake my hand, I’d immediately take one out and squirt the whole bottle. Make a whole spectacle of it, sanitizing my entire right arm. But only after shaking his hand; I’d also be sure to shake the hands of as many other people as possible, but never even think about hand sanitizer until SCROTUS is reaching towards me. Hell, maybe as we’re going in for the shake I’d already have my left hand in my pocket, very dramatically digging for a hand sanitizer so I could be cleaned the moment our hands part. Can you imagine the fucking headlines? The drama? I’d be the target of Turnip’s angry tweets for months. His lapdogsnazis voters would be outraged, screaming obsenities for DARING to attempt voodoo on their god bc they don’t understand cleanliness or germ theory. It would be awesome. I’d be an international hero for washing my hands.
I woke up from a dream last night, posted this, then immediately fell back asleep. I’m glad to see it was coherent and well-received. :)
