Silver Tongue

Jan 11

unadulteratedpiratepizza:

Them: Hello sir, may I have your name?

Me: No, you may not have my name, but you may call me John

Them: Sir, this is a DMV and I am not a fae

Me: Oh? Then you wouldn’t mind holding this iron horseshoe then, right?

*DMV clerk begins to sweat nervously*

(via )

sunflower-goblin:

pimby:

brought a kiss to the knife fight

enemies to lovers speed edition 

(via unclecucky)

turing-tested:

turing-tested:

good news everyone I talked to god and she said that karkat vantas has peets

@moonpaw was nice enough to demonstrate

(via moonpaw)

[video]

[video]

demilypyro:

itssimonbeck:

demilypyro:

itssimonbeck:

demilypyro:

demilypyro:

jesse pinkman in the house *slappy slappy slappy slap slap*

WOO *slappy slappy slap, slappy slappy slap slappy, slappy slappy slappy slap*

BITCH

BITCH

little bitch

I made you my bitch!

BITCH

BITCH

i am….
the danger

(via aeritus)

[video]

[video]

chucktaylorupset:

averruncusho:

smallest-feeblest-boggart:

#i’ll ask a rich person where the trash is#and they’re like ‘oh right here’#then lead me down 2 hallways through a secret passage and into a cellar#and the trash is in the farthest corner of the cellar in its own closet#and it’s sensor-activated

why are these tags so funny

THE BIN OF AMONTILLADO

There is nowhere to throw away trash in a rich man’s house except in his face

(via jadewares)