D&D players will always come up with the most bizarre, workable solutions to problems when you least expect it.
In one game I ran, the party needed to find a magical artifact and didn’t have any idea where it was at all. So they decided to use Commune to figure it out - but Commune as a spell only lets you ask yes or no questions, and get an answer out of it. So they took a map of the continent, drew a line down half of it, and asked “Is the artifact on this half of the map?”. They then continued, narrowing the artifact’s location down further and further, until they were able to pinpoint the exact building in question.
This reminds me of the last campaign I was in, when my husband played a Telepathic Psion. When we were coming up with our inventories at the beginning of the game, everyone else is putting down normal shit like horses, packs, travel provisions, money.
My husband asked for a bear trap.
The DM (who happened to be coolkidmitch) asked him what the hell he could possibly need a bear trap for, to which my husband only said, “You’ll see.” After about twenty minutes of figuring out what this bear trap would weigh, the skill my husband would have to roll in order to use it, and a bunch of other minutiae, my husband had a bear trap in his inventory.
Now, all of us kind of forgot about the bear trap while we were adventuring along on our escort quest (during which my husband’s Psion regularly tried to convince one of our employers that there was a golden acorn/tree of life/fountain of youth/whatever the fuck in the forest so she would wander off and get herself eaten by bears - she was really rude) until we run into a situation where we’ve been surprised by the locals and nobody can draw a weapon without causing a real problem.
My husband pulls the bear trap out of his saddlebag, holds it out to the nearest goon, and says the goon needs to roll a will check. When asked why the goon needs to roll a will check, my husband calmly replies, “He’s being offered the fanciest hat he’s ever seen in his life, and he really wants to put it on.”
Moment of silence around the gaming table as all of us realize that my husband is trying to end the encounter by convincing a goon to put a bear trap on his head like a hat.
The goon failed the will check.
I gotta share The Grand Show story now.
So my D&D campaign is comprised of four newbies, one guy with a lot of tabletop experience, and me, the newbie DM. The crew is trying to break into a walled manor, in part to find out if the Lord inside had anything to do with some culty plot shenanigans (P.S: he was dead the whole time, so no one would have detected them from inside the wall regardless).
I am very explicit to them about the fact that they are trying to break into the Lord’s manor, in the middle of the day, across from the main thoroughfare of the town, with no cover or disguise of any kind, and they are all level 2 - so no teleportation, invisibility, illusions - nothing. They do not heed my warnings, and our gnome paladin and halfling rogue toss a grappling hook over the wall and start to climb it. Meanwhile the other three in the party - a totally inconspicuous group consisting of a dragonborn with a cat, a tiefling in a chainmail bikini, a half-vampire warlock with a mask and a swordcane, and an NPC satyr who was along for the ride - are just hanging out below the wall watching.
After a minute I say, “behind you, you notice that a crowd of about ten or twelve peasants have gathered and are whispering in worried voices. You notice two guards approaching from down the road.”
Halfling rogue - one of the more-or-less newbies of the crew - whips around and immediately shouts “WELCOME TO THE GRAND SHOW!”, and scores an excellent deception roll. Dragonborn starts making his cat do tricks and rolls a sick animal handling check. Tiefling cleric begins pole-dancing on her spear and also rolls high. The warlock starts doing special effects with Minor Illusion and rolls ok. They nudge the satyr into playing music for them, who crits his performance check and charms half the audience as a result. The paladin, from the top of the wall, starts juggling his hammers and midway through throws one at the window of the Lord’s manor, breaking it so they can get in.
I was already going to give them that, and then nearly every last fucking NPC rolled an insight check of less than 10. So the group also made 10 gold for their “busking” and got into the manor completely unhindered. \o/ goddamnit.
early on, one of my players got malfunctioning hover boots. functionally speaking they just protected them from fall damage and let them walk on rough terrain. the flavour text was that they only hover an inch above the ground. well second major dungeon theyre in, theres a massive river of lava and a puzzle for them to solve to get across. well, the bard remembers the hover boots and decides to walk across the lava to get to the other side.
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Why do they always write their articles like this??
The end-cretaceous extinction is actually very simple. The asteroid caused all the dinosaurs to bounce up into the air like a trampoline, and only birds, who could fly, could survive falling from such a height
what… what happens when the dinosaurs come back down
watching supernanny is so surreal because it’s like my cat from hell where 99.9% of the time it’s always the parents fucking up and never the kids as they’re just abiding by how they’ve been raised
parents: my children are spawns of satan, every day i wake up to them screaming and running around the home where they’re always knocking shit over and causing a mess. they are so rude and they never calm down and we’re on our last legs because we want a divorce because of them
supernanny: do they have any toys?
parents: do they have any what
parents: my kids disrespect me all the time and don’t listen to a single thing I say and I’ve tried everything to fix it but none of it has worked, you’re our last hope supernanny
supernanny: do you ever spend time with them, listen to them, talk to them or show interest in their lives at all?
parents: no why would I do that
I once whatched an episode of supernanny (we had a Brazilian version) and the dad was PISSED at supernanny for saying he couldn’t hit his kids because “I was raised like that and turned out just fine” and she dead ass looked him in the eye and asked “do you resent your parents? Do you love and trust them? Did you always tell them the truth and counted on them, or did you hide things from them in fear of their response?” and when he was like”… well, that’s just how parents and kids go” she was like “no, it isn’t. Do you really want your children to live like that? Do you want your kids to respect you or do you want them to trust you?” and that guy B R O K E
