Whenever someone posits that people are ‘lazy’ I’m reminded of the fact that if you leave humans in a room with some blocks and no instructions they will literally make up their own tasks to carry out because humans just fuckin love having stuff to do and objectives to work towards
Humans: Not leaving well enough alone since 300,000 BCE ™
is it still technically a drink? who cares! grampa wanted a slice and i do too 10/10
skittlebrau
i’m still waiting for some artisanal craft beer company to crowdfund the actualisation of skittlebrau 9/10
malk
brittle bones are a small price to pay for all that vitamin r 7/10
the all-syrup super squishee
this drink comes with consequences. are you prepared for what that might mean? 5/10
shelbyville turnip juice
turnip juice is a real thing apparently? who looked at a turnip and wanted to drink it? 3/10
homer’s morning glass of syrup
my teeth are crying 0/10
marge’s homemade pepsi
an undefinable and unknowable entity ?/10
lays liquid potato chips
i’ve got questions and they’re all about how i can forget i ever had to think about this 0/10
worcestershire flavoured soft drink
carbonated worcestershire is truly a cursed concept 0/10
a single plum, floating in perfume, served in a man’s hat
the bartender requires you to sign a waiver before he serves you. this drink takes you to a strange new place where the man whose hat you are drinking from tells you the meaning of life in a way you are never able to articulate after you regain consciousness number eight/10
this is, obviously i think, the best post on this site. we all can stop posting now. i feel such relief
now hold on just a minute, op forgot a few essentials
tomacco juice
tomacco was the produce made by homer, when mixing tobacco and tomatoes after putting a plutonium rod in the ground near tobacco and tomato plants. considering tomacco was highly addictive, repulsive + possibly deadly 0/10
flaming homer/flaming moe
the secret ingredient in the flaming homer and flaming moe is krusty’s non-narkotik kough syrup for kids, probably more addictive than tomacco but everyone seemed to love it so 9/10
ned flander’s hot cocoa from the simpsons movie
this is the same cocoa that made bart mutter “oh my god” 22/10
If we’re talking about the conventional definition of “art quality” it’s insane when you realize that professional looking work, and an diverse skillset only makes you average.
there’s nothing better than griffin mcelroy completely apathetically and deadpan doing a bit while his brothers literally choke on their breath screaming with laughter in the background
oh sorry sorry but this is FALSE—patently FALSE—information because i’m pretty sure what’s better is Justin struggling to get through what is probably not even a very good bit while his brothers shout over him and also each other in the background
I never would’ve remembered biting down into the seam of these things, often splitting them into two near-perfect halves. The texture was bad, the taste was bad, and yet…I chomped.
Never would’ve remembered without this post. The internet truly does make you feel less alone.
