back when I was around five years old I ended up jumping out of a moving car on the highway (a road my dad still points out to us every time we pass it), this had many factors to it such as:
my family did not believe in seat belts or child safety locks
I was obsessed with cheetahs at the time and thought that if I jumped out and landed on my feet I could run alongside the car like some sort of superhuman tiny cat-human-mutant
it did not work out like this
the most unbelievable part of this story was that I jumped out and then ROLLED across the rest of the highway and under a truck
luckily, I was really tiny and went right underneath the body and between the wheels
God really does protect fools and babies apparently- which I was both
a mom in a red mini-van was the first to stop and come out to get me and was like ‘IS THIS SOMEONE’S KID?? WHY IS THIS SOMEONES CHILD.’ I still remember you mom in a red mini-van, you were a real one
I was surprisingly fine outside of a few scrapes and a bad headache. Despite the headache tho my family did not take me to the hospital
they took me to get taco bell instead
I just like, need some reassurance OP’s parents got better at parenting
they did not, but thank you for your concern lol, it if makes you feel better it was a really freaking great Crunch Wrap Supreme
So, trying out a new pet-name, I decided to call my wife “Vanilla Bean”– just giving it a go because vanilla is my favorite flavor and beans are cute and she’s my favorite and also cute.
Now, apparently “Vanilla” is plain and boring and baby did not appreciate being called plain and boring, and so here is a list of the pet names she’s given me in last few minutes:
- My saltine cracker
- The concept of Kansas
- My dearest manila folder
- That beige color they paint offices
- Bleached white rice
- You blank word document, you
- My perfect suburbs Republican
- Tap water
@silver-tongues-blog called me “Trail Mix” once. Not gonna lie it did make me feel a bit flustered
