the biggest fuckign power move ive ever pulled was not knowing hell and fuck about football
when i was 15 i got my first proper job in a football stadium and i was working in VIP. we were under strict orders not to fawn over the Famous People and in fact it was a sackable offense to like ask for photos or autographs with them. the thing is i didnt have a Fucking Clue who any of these people were. i didn’t know the difference between the footballers and the general rich people and tbh i kinda hated all of them. you could tell some of them were desperate to get noticed and used to swan around taking selfies with people and one time a tall boring man spent a long time leaning over the bar chatting to me and I just sorta blinked and said “tea or coffee?” and he left in a huff and then my manager came over and was like “you know that’s [famous person whose name I immediately forgot]” and I was like. Whomst. I saw him on TV the other day. anyway I hate rich people and they hate when us plebians dont immediately bend over and kiss their shoes
warriormale: never stop training! Never stop fighting! Always seek manliness!
Me, a tiny ass binch who hasn’t worked out in years and can’t lift a backpack w/out wheezing:
training and fighting is not always physical. train your talents and fight the challenges life throws at you. Its what warriormale would want us to do.
my friend angella was doing a comedy gig, and as soon as she came out a guy shouted ‘can i give you my number?’ and all the crowd groaned cause it was so inappropriate but angella was like ‘yeah sure’. the guy started shouting out his number and she started entering it into her phone. the whole crowd was like woaaah. she got the whole number and then dialled it and it rang. everyone lost their shit. finally the guy answered and angella just said “hello? shut the fuck up” and it was the most incredible thing i’ve ever seen
So some of these details are probably wrong, it happened a long time ago so I don’t remember the specifics leading up, but it was incredible.
A friend of mine who does stand up was doing his bit at open mic one night, and a guy was heckling him. Just being a total asshole, and then his phone rang and he started talking loudly on his phone about how he’s at open mic and this guy isn’t funny, etc. Now the weird thing about hecklers is that they just want to be a part of something most of the time, so my friend said, “hey man, what’s your name? Can I see your phone for a second?”
The guy actually handed over his phone, and my friend hung up, and scrolled through his contact list until he found the person he was looking for. He hit dial, and starts.
“Hello? Is this [Name’s] mom? Great! It’s very nice to talk to you. I’m a comedian in the middle of my standup routine, and your son is being very rude, [lists off some of the things her son said]…. hold on, can I get you to repeat that?”
He takes the phone away, puts it in speakerphone and holds it up to the mic.
“I said, I’m sorry my son is being such an asshole.”
Everyone lost it. Fuckin’ destroyed by his own mother. My friend said it was one of his proudest moments ever.
