“if she eat the fruit, she a thot”, the Allmighty said
“all women are queensssss” the serpent hissed into Eve’s ear
HE saw that they had eaten the fruit. and so with divine fury, he cast them out of Paradise as HIS voice thundered across the planes
“This bitch sentient. YEET”
Jesus handed his disciples the cup with wine
“take a sip babes, for this is my blood”
as he cast samael the lightbringer out of heaven, the lord turned to his voice. metatron, this is so sad. play despacito
God saw how corrupt the earth had become, for all the people on earth had corrupted their ways. Then said for all, but Noah and his family, “then perish”
And on the seventh day, God said: “It is Sunday, my dudes.”
And He told His followers about the Promised Land:
Moses commanded the red sea in the name of God, “Move, I’m gay.”
And the Lord spoke to his disciples, “Take, cronch. This is my body, given for you.” Then, lifting the wine, Jesus cracked open a cold one with the boys.
The blind man was made to see by Jesus’ hand, and he looked up in awe. “I’d like to thank not only God but also Jesus.”
The Pharaoh of Egypt would not relent, for he was the sand guardian, guardian of the sand, and the Israelites quivered before him.
Tied up and helpless, Samson’s wig was snatched.
On the third day, Jesus rose again. “I’m a bad bitch, you can’t kill me.”
“PSA: here are the new Commandments, thank you for coming to my TED talk.”
“Um OP literally created the world and everything in it but go off I guess”
Witnessing Jesus walking on water, the disciples were in awe: “Oh, my God — He on x-games mode”
Jesus, bound to the cross, spoke thusly:
David: Bro I had a dream we fucked
Jonathan: Bro it’s just a dream
David: Gay, I wouldn’t fuck you
Jonathan: You wouldn’t?
David: I mean, unless you want to…
in this house, we stan the LORD
And the Lord saw man had eaten from the Forbidden Tree, and he said:
and when adam, took a bite of the forbidden fruit, gods voice boomed from the heavens “aw fuck, i cant believe you’ve done this.”
Just want to let every one know there will be NO JUMPSCARES on my blog in the coming month of halloween - they give me anxiety. Just your regular ol’ blogging with a dash of cutesy-spooky
“Torblefeet” replaces Torbjorn’s “Build Turret” ability. Torblefeet increases Torbjorn’s speed by 500% for a period of 8 seconds, with a 10 second cooldown.
Torbjorn’s Rivet Gun has been removed.
Developer Commentary: With Torbjorn what we wanted to create was a sort of stealth flanker character that sprints between enemy’s legs and whacks their knees with his hammer. However, many players used him more defensively, setting up his turret in a defensible location and using his Rivet Gun to kill anybody that tries to come near it. With the removal of the Rivet Gun and the addition of Torblefeet, players are now encouraged to play Torbjorn as a more mobile harasser type character, snapping the enemy team’s puny shins and pathetic ribcages, all the while collecting their bones to craft his horrible trinkets of protection.
A Dark Souls-like game where the lore for a weapon gets less vague the more you upgrade it.
Broken Blade: A brittle sword. You can’t seem to let it go. Unpolished Blade: A cherished weapon from ages past. Polished Blade: You remember something. Bride’s Blade: Your wife’s sword.
at first i wanted to make this funny but it just made me sad
