people who arent punctual freak me out im so stressed. what do you mean the event starts at 6 and you’ll pick me up at 5:50 even though I live 20 minutes from the venue? what do you mean being 10 minutes late is “no big deal”? what if there’s no parking and nowhere to sit? what then? i need to be there at 5:45 just to be sure and you’re like Oh Whatever Dude… ARE YOU OKAY
It’s called Executive Dysfunction
So, I made the mistake of reading the comments on this, and literally what do you even do if you arrive at something an hour early? Heck, even 30 minutes? Sit in the parking lot for 30 minutes? Take a 45 minute bathroom break? Rap battle your high school nemesis? Eat an entire meal in the movie theatre parking lot? I don’t understand….
i usually arrive half an hour early to events and chill in my car debating whether or not i should go home
You know maybe amatonormativity exists but it’s hard to say that when I’m 90% sure gay people were not being encouraged to seek out relationships by the wider culture until maybe 2005-ish
what’s amatonormativity?
A Tumblr-based sociological theory that boils down to “compulsory alloromanticism” but I’ve also seen it defined to include monogamy as another expectation under the header of amatonormativity
Amatonormativity is not tumblr based- it was not created on tumblr nor was it popularised on tumblr. Amatonormativity was not even coined by asexual people or with asexual people in mind exclusively.
Amantonormativity was coined by feminist academic Elizabeth Brake in her book “Minimising Marriage” to refer to:
the assumptions that a central, exclusive, amorous relationship is normal for humans, in that it is a universally shared goal, and that such a relationship is normative, in that it should be aimed at in preference to other relationship types. (Source)
Amatornormativity doesn’t just affect asexual and aromantic people. Whilst it’s often asexual and aromantic people you see talking about amatonormativity (because we become hyper aware of it due to how it affects us), it actually impacts the lives of people of all orientations, including LGBT+ people.
Amatonormativity in practice is…
The assumption that all single people are unhappy with their status and looking not to be single.
“Coming of age” milestones often revolving around romantic accomplishments (first kiss, first crush, first love, marriage, etc).
Non romantic partnerships (sexual or platonic) being looked down upon.
A sort of relationship hierarchy where marriage is at the top and everything else falls somewhere below it.
The expectation for romantic partners to be more important than jobs, hobbies or other commitments in a person’s life. And the belief that people who choose to pursue the former are selfish.
People who are not seeking exclusive romantic relationships being seen as less mature, stable, trustworthy or settled.
The structuring of laws and society on the basis that eventually everyone will be in a committed romantic partnership (marriage).
The toxic idea of a “friendzone” (which of course, overlaps with misogyny), where friendship with a woman is seen as “second prize” to a relationship with her.
People settling for someone they’re not really happy with or compatible with just to fulfil the desire or expectation to have a partner.
Non-aromantic asexual people trying to normalise their orientation by saying they can still “fall in love” or “have relationships” “just like anyone else”.
Asexual people or people who don’t feel attraction to anyone feeling pressured to seek out and enter into relationships.
And much more…
Violations of amatonormativity would include dining alone by choice, putting friendship above romance, bringing a friend to a formal event or attending alone, cohabiting with friends, or not searching for romance. (Source)
Also the way turning down a request for a date, while single, is often viewed as some sort of terrible insult instead of an analysis of poor compatibility.
Also the idea that it’s wrong to break up with someone unless they’ve done something objectively terrible enough to “deserve it” rather than because the relationship isn’t doing anything for you.
It also encourages people to stay in abusive relationships because it pushes being in a relationship is the highest priority/being alone is terrible.
