Silver Tongue

Sep 09

[video]

badjokesbyjeff:
A 15 year old boy comes home with a Porsche
His parents began to yell and scream. “Where did you get that car?”
He calmly told them, “I bought it today.”
“With what money?” Demanded his parents. “We know how much a Porsche costs!”
“Well,” said the boy, “this one cost me fifteen dollars.”
The parents began to yell even louder. “Who would sell a car like this for fifteen dollars!?” They asked.
“It was the lady up the street,” said the boy, “don’t know her name— they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars.”
“Oh my goodness!” Gasped the mother, “she must be a child abuser! Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what’s going on.”
So the boy’s father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in her yard calmly planting flowers. He introduced himself as the father of the boy she sold the Porsche to for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why.
“Well,” she said, “this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but I learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn’t intend to come back. He claimed he was really stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did.”
jeff. we’ve discussed your username.

(via robustquestioner-deactivated202)

[video]

mumblytron:

mumblytron:
Shoulda realized I had adhd that time I misplaced a two-ton vehicle and didn’t realize for 48 hours
How to activate executive dysfunction in twenty easy steps:
-be in college
-drive to cafe to do homework, stay for a while
-i can’t park at the university b/c parking passes are like 300 dollars, so i leave my car where it is and walk to a building on campus for a meeting. this is important. normally I walk to and from campus
-heyimoncampus.jpeg
-it’s been 2 hours so by now the car has ceased to exist until I need it again
-walk home
-life as usual for a few days, I don’t need my car during the week so i don’t notice it’s not where it’s supposed to be
-Saturday. I pack up to drive to see my folks. Got all my stuff in a backpack and i’m ready to go
-go to parking spot
- Dude Where’s My Car (2000)
-holyfucksomebodystoleitwhostolemycar– waitasecond
-long term memory… loading. loading.
-oh shit it’s 2 miles away I left it at the cafe on Thursday
- “who stole my car” me. i did. i stole my own car. from myself
-basically jog back across campus to get there as fast as possible because it’s not like i left it in a rando parking lot for two days already and the 5 minutes i save by exhausting myself will totally make a difference
-holy shit i hope it’s still there
-it is. the god of forgetful assholes was smiling down on me because i don’t even have a parking ticket even though i’m right under a “no overnight parking” sign
- this car had a 50/50 shot of actually turning over on any given day because it guzzled through batteries like some people guzzle la croix so by now i’m freaking out b/c i have no idea what to do if it doesn’t start
-god of faulty car batteries is smiling too
-i am halfway to driving to my parents when i realize i forgot my backpack at home
-somehow it takes five years before anyone suspects i have adhd
-the end

(via newbarrk)

gearholder:

moringmark:
Oh, this style. I love this.

[video]

animalcrossingpocketcamps:

Ugly Animal Jail

The only ugly animal I see is the pig

(via )

systlin:

Hey, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

(via bloodsbane)