“Not only does he work as a barrier, but I utilize Hayseed as a weapon of war. I have specialized my character to take all perks related to horseback damage. That is largely redundant, because I just charge at people and trample them under Hayseed’s big powerful hooves.
Despite all of this, Hayseed is a friend. Look at those placid, beautiful eyes. Hayseed is just a large lad who doesn’t know any better, and he must be protected.
Unfortunately, my posse disagrees with me. I catch them throwing molotovs at Hayseed while he gambols in a field. One time, I got off my horse to hogtie my good friend Matt for chuckles, and his brother Jake jumped on Hayseed’s back, gave a peal of joyous laughter, and immediately ran Hayseed off the nearest cliff. To Jake’s horror, while he died upon the jagged rocks, Hayseed survived the fall and got up. I gave him oatcakes, brushed his beautiful mane, and whispered apologies in his ear.
I love you, Hayseed.”
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