crowley makes signs on pull doors say push and routinely runs face first into them
imagine if on a date with Aziraphale, Crowley tries to be all chivalrous and open the door for his husband, but instead just ends up having it out with the door because it won’t fucking cooperate
crowley, approaching what appears to be a push door on his first official date with aziraphale, muttering to himself: please work. please work. plea
It’s true I have evidence on film
Okay, but this is even funnier (and a bit angsty) when you consider that, in the Good Omens universe, angels and demons work by Discworld rules, where they can affect the world around them just through the power of belief.
And Crowley, especially, is really good at this. As well as the obvious scene where he imagines that his car isn’t burning to bits, and so it doesn’t, there are little things as well. His music system works without speakers because he forgot that it needed them. A military jeep grows a cassette player when he gets into it because he assumes that all vehicles come with music systems.
So logically, this should never happen to Crowley. Like, it can’t happen, because the laws of the universe state that if Crowley opens a door believing it to open one way then it will open that way, even if it opened the other way just a moment ago.
So the only reason this could possibly happen to him, is if his belief that the door opened one way was overshadowed by the far stronger belief that the universe at large is Out To Get Him in some fundamental way.
So, y'know, imagine Crowley struggling with a door for a full minute before Aziraphale steps in and opens it with ease.
Are we really not going to talk about the guy in the back who is attached to another guy’s back while spinning?
WHAT ABOUT THE GUY THAT FALLS OUT OF THE WINDOW
WHY IS IT BACK
no you guys don’t understand, not only is this the first harlem shake out there… these guys aren’t normal military. This is “Telemarkbataljonen”. They’re pretty much the Norwegian equivalent of the fucking black ops. My brother knows a guy in this battalion, and when asked what they do there, he looked my brother dead in the eye and said “That is strictly confidential”. These guys are hard as shit, which makes this even more hilarious
Don’t bring this meme back
BRING THIS MEME BACK.
Do the Harlem Shake
oh my god
ah fuck
Do The Harlem SHAKE
Oh…look on, children, and weep as you are faced with memes from when I was your age…
On some real shit, I do not fuck with people who ride those boat things at the carnival. People who get on those do not give a fuck about life, they don’t care about you, ya mama or your kids. They literally have nothing to lose. You don’t care about life so there’s no need for me to fight you because you’re not going to give a damn about my face.
THIS JOINT!!!!
BITCHHHHHHH. I got on this shit when I was 12. Wasn’t no bar, no protection, nothing in that shit. I didn’t realize until it was too late. You couldn’t pay me to ever get on this shit ever again in my life. We were in Landover, this shit almost smooth flipped my ass to Baltimore. No. Never again.
12? I got on this bitch when I was 21 and had my head in my ex’s shoulder the ENTIRE time. Screaming like a bih too. Nope. Never again. I was praying to the gravity gods the entire time.
?????? All it does is swing back and forth???? I don’t understand the concern??????
centrifugal force keeps you in your seat.
Centrifugal force isn’t keeping me from crying tho
why is this so funny
listen thats nothing compaired to the zipper. Imagine a roller coaster on a chainsaw and thats the zipper
Lets start off listing what it has. First off the cages swing freely. Second, the cages follow a track like a conveyor belt. finally, the entire thing spins pretty fast
modern greek mythology adaptation where hades and persephone are played by john mulaney and his wife
She’s hades, he’s Persephone
Oh no, no. John Mulaney is 100% Hades.
Loves his wife
Is actually pretty chill except when it comes to stupid people
Can’t stand up for himself when others try to do him wrong
And from what we hear about her, she’s very Persephone.
Easy to underestimate
Knows her own mind
Will cut you
“So, I meet this wonderful lady. Just fantastic, my heart does that thing where it’s skipping beats, and I - all of you think I’m going to talk about how I suavely asked her out, and that is not what happened.
“I ride up in my chariot, and the first - this is literally the first thing I say to her is ‘do you want to meet my dog’?
“And this - I - this is a sign that this woman is my soul mate - she looks at her friends hanging around and says, ‘sure, catch you later, guys’.
“I’m going to skip forward here a couple of dates - no, don’t - this is not the story of how my wife met my dog - and her mom - her mom - finds out she’s seeing me. Now I know everyone jokes about how a girl’s dad is this big, hulking - going to hunt you down if you’re dating his daughter and he doesn’t like you. But if you say that, it’s because you’ve never had some girl’s mom glaring up at you from like - her mom’s like two inches taller than her, so this little furious glare from around my chin area, saying her daughter’s not allowed to come see me anymore.
“And this - okay, this is when I knew I was going to marry this girl, she looks at her mom and, cool as anything, says, ‘Too late, mom. I met his dog, ate dinner over here. I’m staying’.”
reblogging this again, because I just thought: should Disney ever decide to include Hercules in their list of unnecessary live action remakes, the least they could do would be casting John Mulaney as Hades
in john mulaney voice: So this guy just strolls into my home and at first im like “WOAH how did you get in here? My dog should have made some noise” and hes like “oh i played some music for your dog” to which all i can think is “Music gets my dog to be calm around guests?” So this guy, still dont know who he is, he puts an -and i kid you not- and entire song about how much he misses his dead wife and im like “shit that sucks. I wish i could help in some way” and my wife is stops me and say “now wait. wait. wait. You come into our home unannounced and want us to just bring your wife back to life free of charge?” i think for a second and think you know what? YEAH! it IS weird that this guy just came in uninvited… but that song was pretty good though. Eventually we compromise that he can take his wife back to the world of the living if he trusts her enough to follow him without looking back. simple terms right? if i was in the same position i would be absolutely sure my wife was right there behind me. so we grab his wifes soul and send them on their way. FIVE minutes later, i kid you not, five minutes his wifes soul comes crashing down the ceiling. Like this guy had ONE job and he couldnt do that. I wanted to give him another chance but my wife made a very good point that our offer was the most simple terms of service you could think of and he STILL managed to mess it up. The moral of the experience is that you should trust your wife.
