(Source: dankmemesreasonforliving, via lime-time)
Hanging out with straight ppl who just do not get gay humour is so exhausting…
I’m like “Bella swan was a lesbian cause she drove a truck” and this str8 girl says “no she married edward and they had sex lol” …
(Source: sameoldsin, via jadewares)
Do you wanna hear one of the funniest fucken stories?
Pls do tell
So in my town there is this emo satanist community and at some point a really influential emo dude called Raven lived here. Like every emo in Romania knew him because he was somehow the edgiest of them all. He was also a gigantic incel, but still tried to flirt with every goth girl on sight. At some point when he was in his last year of high school, before leaving for college, he tried to hit on an 11 yo girl(gross). It made her rlly uncomfortable. What Raven didn’t know was that this girl’s cousin was the strongest dude in town-2 meters tall, super bulky, literally looked like a mountain. So the girl told her buff cousin what Raven looked like, and one time, while Buff guy was at work, he spotted Raven. Now, funny enough, Buff Guy worked at a children’s playground, and he was dressed up as a clown that day. So he just walked up to Raven, patted him on the shoulder and asked: “Have you ever been beaten up by a clown?” and Raven said, “N-no”. To which Buff Guy replied :“It’s fine. Because you will be.”
(Source: xiuxiudyke, via dan-mcneely)
screencap redraw
If that butterfly doesn’t go “BLEERGH IT’S ME” and stabs you as soon as you touch it, then the answer is No.
(via chefpyro)
Every god damn time.
(via scafe-dragon)
(Source: would-u-like-ur-milk-in-a-bag, via scafe-dragon)
what am I supposed to do when I’m at work and a customer asks “do you use chip?” and I say “yes but we don’t use salsa” and they don’t even laugh
the first customer I tried this joke on was like the epitome of White Dad™️ and after I said it his face was stoic but his eyes swelled with extreme pride
(via scafe-dragon)
(Source: beetledrink, via nofacednerd)
the Big Bad of our campaign is an evil snake lady so our rogue was brainstorming ideas to kill her and came up with:
- Cutting off her arms so she would revert to a harmless garden snake
- Having our Druid morph into a mongoose and fight her, like nature intended
- Dropping food in her path so that her tail grows too long and she runs into it and gets a game over
All my plans are good???
(via chefpyro)
Roy: There’s something I need to tell you.
Riza: Me too.
Roy: Let’s say it together. On three. 1…2…
Roy: I love yo-
Riza: Selim Bradley is a homunculus!
Roy: Wtf.
(via rosexknight)