Silver Tongue

May 06

midtown120blues:

themathomhouse:

midtown120blues:

my goal is to be completely vaporized at disneyland so they cant take my body off the premises and pronounce me dead offsite

or, bring your own team of doctors and paramedics to pronounce you dead as soon as it happens so they’re stuck with it

I love the visual of me striding into Disneyland all smug with a confused team of doctors

(via epic-divorceman)

garmadon:

me: [sees or hears the words “feed me” in absolutely any context ever]

me:

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(Source: sporesgalaxy, via dan-mcneely)

(Source: miasuigyaku, via scafe-dragon)

doubletranquility:

doubletranquility:

2001-2017: smash mouth is the shrek band

2018: shrek mouth is the pussy eating band

the typo i made on this post is funnier than the original joke

(Source: dreamcasko, via tamascotchi-deactivated20190101)

pukicho:

pukicho:

daily-bad-jokes:

How can a room full of married people be empty?

Because there isn’t a single person in the room!

Heh..

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(via tamascotchi-deactivated20190101)

cvberdemon:

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(via dan-mcneely)

heronfem:

anothersadplanet:

It’s funny how some people don’t realize like. When I was in elementary school every year we had “intruder” drills. They were always kinda spooky but I never thought anything of it when I was a kid. The teacher would turn the light off and lock the room doors and we’d all have to quietly hide under desks until the intercom announced it was over. Sometimes there’d be someone walking around and trying the doors to the classrooms to make sure they were locked. Never seemed strange to me as a kid, but talking with my canadian spouse they look mortified

It’s wild how much of life in the US revolves around the unending threat of murder and violence. And by wild I mean a nightmare.

(via chefpyro)

[video]

[video]

iftadwascool:

old-friends-senior-dog-sanctuary:

I just want to get dicked down again =/

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Oh thank god.

(via irailleth-archive)