dad like, is kind of basic. he just thought john sounded nice, and he was a bit shellshocked by his mom’s death when he signed the adoption papers. so john, not short for jonathan or anything, was it.
bro kind of didn’t really want to name dave initially. at first he was pretty much convinced he’d let him go into the system, until some skaianet officials slipped him some fat checks and guidelines, as well as a sudden upswing in smuppet stock. so he kept him, and thought dave was perfect—basic, generic enough to not turn a lot of heads, but still strong in its roots. it was either that or bart tbh
mom had a baby name book ever since she was in her teens. three had already been used, scratched off violently, by the time she plucked a baby from a burning, radioactive meteor. rose was the fifth pick—purple roses are enchanting, after all, and her daughter was magical enough. that’s what she told people at least. it sounded better than “i was woozy from pain medication due to getting emergency surgery due to rapidly forming cancer, a result of an exposure to radiation, so i thought naming her after my favorite wine would be cool”
“jade” is what happens when a dude tries to write “jane” but realizes that it might be weird to name a baby after the sister he had weird incestuous feelings for, but the ink is permanent so he makes the N a D and pretends that it’s fine. he will be a great grandpa! a stunning patriarch. the immovable king.
what about the alpha kids? what are the origins of their names?
