There’s something especially tickling about BOTW being a secret sassmaster based on your dialogue options while also being someone who barely talks. Like, imagine you’re Princess Zelda, right, and you’re on a diplomatic visit with the Gerudo. But there was this whole kerfuffle with transportation and the sand seals or some such, but after some work, the seals are saved and the Gerudo agree to some more favorable trade and everyone’s happy.
You finally meet up with your bodyguard (because men aren’t allowed in Gerudo Town) who you still don’t really like that much, and he basically never talks, and only responds in one word answers, and he’s kinda weird all around, and you tell him what happened. Then he stares you dead in the eyes and says completely deadpan,
“Sands like you really sealed the deal there.”
Before he starts digging into a whole watermelon, rind and all, with his bare teeth.
I love that thing in Lord of the Rings where the villains spend so much time obsessing over the character they believe is their Destined Archenemy that they overlook the character who actually defeats them
The Witch-King of Angmar, the Black Rider, seems to be Destined to fight the wizard Gandalf, the White Rider. He doesn’t consider Eowyn a threat right up until she stabs him in the face
Saruman is fixated on defeating Theoden, Aragorn and Gandalf in an Epic Light vs Dark Fantasy Battle at Helm’s Deep. So he completely overlooks the two hobbits and bunch of trees sitting right next door, who proceed to destroy Isengard
Sauron is fixated on defeating Aragorn, the Destined King of the Heroes and descendant of the man who defeated him last time. So he completely overlooks Frodo and Sam, who proceed to actually defeat him
Half my joints make ceramic doll clicking noises when I move and, despite what you might think based on my robot obsession, I’m not fond of that at all.
Me, shambling into the physical therapist’s office: “OIL CAN! OIL CAN!”
Tap dance instructor: “Ship, how the hell are you making three taps per step? You’re not even wearing tap shoes, what—“
Now obviously John Mulaney has had a profound affect on all our lives, but without a doubt to me one of the most impactful things he has ever said was: “Whatever. This might as well happen. Adult life is already so goddamn weird.” That has become one of my guiding life philosophies.
i will never be over the fact that during first contact a human offered their hand to a vulcan and the vulcan was just like “wow humans are fucking wild” and took it
Humanity’s first contact with Vulcans was some guy going “I’m down to fuck.”
Vulcans’ first contact with Humans was an emphatic “Sure.”
“sir…these…these humans…they greet each other by…” *glances around before furtively whispering* “by clasping hands…”
*prolonged silence* “oh my…”
“sir…sir how will we make first contact with them? surely we…we cannot refuse this handclasping ritual, they will take it as an insult, but what vulcan would agree to such a distasteful and uncomfortable ritual??”
*several pensive moments later* “contact the vulcan high command and tell them to send us kuvak. i once saw that crazy son of a bitch arm wrestle a klingon, he’ll put his hands on anything”
Elsewhere, w/ kuvak: “….my day has come.”
The vulcan who made first contact with humans is named Solkar guys. Y’all just be makin’ up names for characters that already have names.
Bonus: here’s a screencap of Solkar doing the “my body is ready” pose right before he shakes Zefram Cochrane’s hand:
I swear Vulcans only come in two types and they are “distant xenophobes” or “horny on main for humanity”. Also apparently this guy is Spock’s great-grandfather and frankly that explains everything.
Hey so I looked into this at one point and that handshake literally created a lifelong telepathic bond between the two of them, and basically all of Solkar’s descendants were later obsessed with humans, including freaking SPOCK, so I’m not saying that handshake was so gay and good that it created an intergenerational telepathic bond between Solkar’s descendants and humans, but I’m also not….not….saying that.
The slow deliberation with which Solkar takes Cockrane’s–I’m sorry, Cochrane’s–hand… The sheer sensuality witch which Solkar infuses an otherwise borderline impersonal social ritual… It clearly shows a very conscious knowledge, on Solkar’s part, of what the significance of the handshake is in Vulcan terms and of how affected he is by it.
That’s why he’s so slow in doing it, and so sensual. A part of Solkar can’t believe this is happening, despite it being a perfectly logical thing to expect from a human, and the rest of him can’t believe how good it is.
I bet that if the camera zoomed in any further we would see the dilation of Solkar’s pupils and a quickly-repressed shiver of delight. Cochrane’s firm, businesslike clasp is probably (in sexual terms) being perceived as a deliciously carnal display of dominance.
No wonder Solkar is all like, “TAKE ME, YOU WILD-MANNERED BARBARIAN WITH ENTICINGLY ROUGH CALLUSES.”
And so we find out that yes, there is such a thing as bottoming in Pon-farr.
Every time this post comes round my dash, it just gets better.
