Yeah, I wish I could fly or run at super speed or teleport. Whose doesn’t?! But the superpower I crave most acutely is the ability to dreamwalk.
There are innocent uses. You show up in your friend’s recurring nightmares and tell her that this time, it’ll be okay - she’s safe, her dreams are made of dust and fantasy, and she can control them. You chase off the monsters and demons and teach her how to turn lucidity on and off. She can rest easy without your help.
But oh, god, you can also make the person who gave her those nightmares in the first place pay for it. Sleep tight, shitlord! What’s the matter? Did you have a bad dream? Are you ready to have bad dreams for the rest of your life? I hope you like sleep deprivation, asshole, ‘cause I’ve got a full tank of nightmare fuel and you’re riding shotgun.
Corrupt politician ready to vote for an evil bill? He can’t prove that you terrorize his dreams! Maybe he’s a rich bastard who will never experience any of the horrible consequences of his actions first hand…but he’s a rich bastard who wakes up screaming every night because The Ghost of Christmas Fuck You has come a-calling.
So you want to be like Freddy Krueger except for the good
[flexes knife hands] “technically I’m a good guy I swear”
How come reading tea leaves is seen as this sophisticated, witchy thing but if I slam dunk an open can of Chef Boyardee ravioli onto the pavement in the gas station parking lot to see what kind of soda the old ones think I should buy, foodstuff divination suddenly isn’t cool anymore?
‘Tis the fuckin’ season, friends!! Get out there and live your worst life!!
