y’all MUST stop memeing morbius and other shit like it because execs have zero sense of irony and will take any memes as support and look at what happens when they think people support something
no, please keep making memes because i would love to see it bomb at the box office twice
THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE IN THE NOTES WHO DON’T KNOW THIS IS A FICTIONAL FOUNDATION AND THAT THIS TWEET IS SATIRE WOULD BE ABSOLUTELY TRAGIC IF IT WASN’T SO STUPIDLY FUNNY.
I work at the radio and I have worked retail and I have worked food service.
The people who call in to the radio station are the dumbest people alive, holy shit.
Be honest, do you guys want the stories?
THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN OK LET’S GO
Caller: Hi. I’m pretty shocked you guys are putting people in danger with your traffic report.
Me: Could you elaborate please?
Caller: I’m on (freeway) and there’s a branch hanging down. Someone is going to hit it and you haven’t reported it. I’ve been listening all morning so I know you haven’t.
Me: Just so I’m clear, the branch is not actually in the road? There is no hazard actually blocking anything?
Caller: no but there’s going to be. It’s going to be your fault when the branch falls.
Me: ma'am if there’s not actually anything going on to report we can’t report anything. You called to tell me about a tree.
Caller: Hi can I talk to Amy Winehouse?
Me: Amy Winehouse.
Caller: yeah I just heard her on your station.
Me: …I don’t know how to tell you this but no, I cannot put her on the phone.
Caller: she was just there
Me: That’s a recording. She’s not actually here.
(caller hung up before I could explain that not only is that not how radio music works, amy winehouse died in 2011.)
Caller: I cannot BELIEVE you guys would pay such FILTH. I’m AMERICAN.
Me: Which station are you having issue with?
Caller: The one playing that FILTH. The one saying “Imagine no religion.” What kind of anti Christian message are you suggesting??
Me: the… Beatles song?
Caller: I’m AMERICAN.
Me: Is the issue that the Beatles are English…? Because I have bad news about most of the oldies station if so
Caller: I want to report about some false information being pushed as news, it’s not relevant to the topic at hand and they’re saying it is and they’re trying to silence me and I think you need to do something about it.
Me: ma'am please slow down
Caller: the firewatch group on Facebook! They banned me for saying we shouldn’t be talking about the Australia fires! You need to make them reinstate my place in the group or people that depend on me for fire news could be at risk!
Me: that’s not our group, ma'am. Ours is the name of our station, we do not have any connection to the firewatch.
Caller: but it’s news.
Me: there’s more than one news source in the county ma'am.
(yes, she called to report her FB drama)
Caller: there’s a cloud. It’s big.
Me: is it a smoke cloud? Can you smell–
Caller: no I think it’s a regular cloud. It’s big though.
Me: do you see lightning…?
Caller: no it’s just big. I didn’t want anyone to worry.
Caller: play more Toby Keith.
Me: Sure, I’ll pass that on to the DJ–
Caller: I wish I could be a cat.
Me: dang me too
Caller: anyway that’s all I got for you today. Toby Keith, and I want to be a cat. Be sure to hug your animals. Meow!
Me: Meow!
Caller: Meow!
Me: Meow!
[image: a screenshot of the notes count on this post, as of when it had one like for a total of one note.]
can you imagine how freaky shark mermaids would be like unlike sharks, shark mermaids would have actual arms/hands and could rely on touching things with their hands to see if they’re prey rather than having to bite like sharks do. like youre just swimming in the ocean and suddenly you feel a strong grip on your leg, you freak the FUCK out because uh what????? the fuck??? youre swimming alone in the ocean??
a head pops out of the water, dorsal fin pointed from its back and it just points at you and says in a low whisper: “i thought you were a seal. please dont swim alone like this, im sorry i scared you i just wanted to see what you are” and then disappears back into the depth. what the fuck.
no come back ma’am
*under my breath* underwater girlfriend
underwater wife
Underwater love of my underwater life
There are benefits to being a marine biologist
underwater girlfriend underwater wife underwater love of my underwater life underwater benefits to underwater studies turning underwater sharks into underwater buddies underwater lovers are the partly sharky sirens seen if you’ve achieved degrees in underwater science
ALT
