Silver Tongue

May 12

(via moonpaw)

(via thedenofravenpuff)

[video]

pro-gay:

pro-gay:

pro-gay:

pro-gay:

pro-gay:

pro-gay:

sexysyntacticiancostume:

pro-gay:

sexysyntacticiancostume:

pro-gay:

pro-gay:

me: uses my sleeping kitten’s paw to navigate my smartphone

he woke up and retrieved his paw

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you Used him

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he’s on the bed and he won’t come near me

youve betrayed his trust………he Knows

good thing i got 13 more of these fluffs

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second kitten also abandoned me and they both formed a coalition

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their cause is gaining numbers

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this is a revolution

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i tried calling in the cavalry but they overwhelmed us quickly

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we are….defeated.

(via moonpaw)

let-tyrants-fear:

aconfusedbird:

ineffectualdemon:

“Babies only cry if they are hungry, need changing, or need to be picked up”

Lies

Babies (and small children) also cry for reasons such as:

1. “I am tired and that makes me angry”

2. “I scared myself with a fart”

3. “You are the wrong parent”

4. “I ran into something with my face”

5. “I’m facing the opposite direction then the one I want to”

6. “I fell asleep in one place and woke up somewhere completely different”

7. “I am a very small person in a very big world”

8. “I got scared because YOU farted”


Babies have more then 3 states of being and sometimes you just have to hold them and bounce them gently while saying solemnly “yes it is very hard to be a baby” because frankly it is

you have to remember that when you’re that tiny… pretty much any bad thing that happens to you is LITERALLY the WORST thing that has ever happened in your life. they have no perspective. everything is awful. help them

#everything is happening for the first time and they cant even google it  

(via thescyfychannel)

“if youre from the underdark then why are you human?”
“oh my god throckmorton, you cant just ask someone why theyre human”

“if youre from the underdark then why are you human?”
“oh my god throckmorton, you cant just ask someone why theyre human”

(via yourplayersaidwhat)

notlostonanadventure:
“ crylie:
“ urulokid:
“ brookeawooka:
“ unpicasso:
“ mutant-aesthetic:
“ liquored-up-rifleman:
“ mutant-aesthetic:
“ zahnegott:
“ wroughtornot:
“ did-you-kno:
“On the Pottermore website, J.K. Rowling explains how wizards poop....

notlostonanadventure:

crylie:

urulokid:

brookeawooka:

unpicasso:

mutant-aesthetic:

liquored-up-rifleman:

mutant-aesthetic:

zahnegott:

wroughtornot:

did-you-kno:

On the Pottermore website, J.K. Rowling explains how wizards poop. There’s an excerpt about the Chamber of Secrets that says wizards didn’t need toilets because they ‘simply relieved themselves where they stood, and vanished the evidence.’ Source Source 2

i fucking hate jk rowling so much because years and years after this franchise has ended she is still continuing trying to make it bad to the point where she said that every character in harry potter canonically shits themselves and then casts a shit vanishing spell 

fuck this is b a d

This reminds me of the hufflepuff group masturbation tweets

The what?

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Just imagine you’re taking a test for potions with Snape and the guy sitting next to you just fucking shits himself the nastiest, slimiest shit of his life out of stress. And you literally have to sit there with a straight face while fuckin Todd JingleJangles cleans himself up in the dead quiet room with some stupid ass line like “vanish me poopum” and you just gotta live with the knowledge that some kid just shit himself beside you during a fucking test.

how do you delete someone elses post

I am in tears

Joe what the fuck did you make me read

imagine voldemort in the middle of some speech and he shits himself and immediately poofs it away without skipping a beat.

(via deep-sea-prince)

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

derezzcartes:

derezzcartes:

ghdhghdhh someone stole the fucking iron man suit

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There was a whole movie telling us not to do this

(via deep-sea-prince)

trilllizard666:
“ thespectacularspider-girl:
“ bastard-tm:
“ the-sealandic-todd-howard:
“ dankmemecentral1:
“I don’t see a downside
”
*buys several boxes of chocolate*
(concerned) Motherfucker?
”
wait, every purchace or literally every cent...

trilllizard666:

thespectacularspider-girl:

bastard-tm:

the-sealandic-todd-howard:

dankmemecentral1:

I don’t see a downside

*buys several boxes of chocolate* 

(concerned) Motherfucker?

wait, every purchace or literally every cent spent?

I put it in the bank in a term deposit and live off the interest.  The interest is not that 10,000,000 dollars.  The money earned by an assumed 3% return on 10,000,000 dollars annually is the equivalent of working a full time job at 140 dollars an hour.

And every cent I spend won’t bother Sammy.

MOTHERFUCKER

(via deep-sea-prince)

shinysoroka:

thorsbian:

Thor took groot as an elective which means growing up he was the rare combination of nerd and jock and idk why people are surprised i mean the boy talks astrophysics wirh bruce 7 phd’s banner like its nothing and when he drops down to earth which clique does he immediately join? Not shield!! Not the avengers!! Some podunk star scientists out in the middle of nowhere on an extended camping trip like!! Whilst loki was painting his nails to match his cufflinks, thor was studying foreign languages as he benchpressed heimdall. Thor isnt your garden variety jock he’s a bookworm jock, easily found stargazing or doodling in his moleskin journal

Loki: Why you would want to talk to sentient trees?
Thor: Why wouldn’t you? They are sentient trees!!

(via deep-sea-prince)