Someone mentioned this term in a lower post where I was being harassed for refusing to argue with someone who I think is an obvious alt-right troll. I’d never heard of it before so off to urban dictionary I ran and man… It’s right on.
You do not have to engage with people like this. You don’t owe every person in your path an explanation.
This happened to me around Christmas. A guy messaged me, called me a dumb bitch, etc. I didn’t engaged with him because, why would I? He kept messaging me demanding why I didn’t respond. Citing his language to me I asked why would I want to.
He said he’d apologize if I would debate with him and answer his questions. I tried debating with him on and off for about a day. Finally it was Christmas Eve and I just realized I was getting no where so I told him that we had to agree to disagree. That angered him and said I’d promised I’d answer his questions. I’d felt like I had as best I could.
I told him again I was done.
He immediately took back his apology, resumed his insults, and essentially said that since I wouldn’t endlessly defend my case I was worthless and everything I said was worthless.
I realized then this whole conversation has been a mistake. He was willing to swear at and insult me and only apologize and show respect if I did everything he said no questions.
That was not respect and it was my mistake for not recognizing it earlier.
I’ll say again… You don’t owe everyone in your path an explanation. If you do decide to engage someone it can be on your terms.
Your worth and your beliefs don’t have to be validated by every troll under the bridge.
Now I have a word for it!
In my experience with fandom, people would come with what seemed to be very reasonable questions, but they would transparently try to set me up for “Gotcha!” moments. I could always tell because when I didn’t answer them in a way that sprung the trap, they would keep asking the same question again and again.
Best example – a questioner asked me “Why do you think Tyler Posey has had trouble getting roles as compared to his co-stars?” My response was “I don’t think he has had trouble getting roles.” This obviously wasn’t the answer they were looking for, so they kept asking the same question, again and again, and then accused me of refusing to answer. They wanted me to get into an argument where they could demand I acknowledge that he wasn’t a good actor.
Sea-lioning. I like it! Do you have a link to that comic strip?
