peter: i hate it when people say that i can “do whatever a spider can”
tony: well, can’t you?
peter: i can think of many things a spider can do that i can’t. i can’t crawl into someone’s ear and die, i can’t legally leave guatemala without a passport, i can’t have sex with a spider —
anyone else remember in highschool being forced to attend a fake drunk driving scene complete with ambulances pulling in and pronouncing your classmate dead and putting him in a body bag and taking him away while his girlfriend sobs and then the subsequent funeral with pamphlets and his girlfriend giving the eulogy or no
no?? what the fuck kind of school did you go to?
an american one
all the notes on this post are either “what the fuck” or “yeah my school did that too lmao”
america is cancelled
in our school district it was called “shattered dreams” students could pay $30 to hit the car with a heavy object before doing it to make it look wrecked and the “victim” would wear white face paint and you were supposed to ignore them. That being said, it was a highschool full of kids who know that its not actually that effective so it was mostly a week of everyone jokingly saying “i see dead people” whenever the ‘victim’ walked by
tbh no april fools gag tumblr ever pulls will ever be as good as the lizard election of 2016 staff put more effort into that than the rest of this website combined and it shows
for those of you who werent here in 2016 on april fools that year the entire fucking website was transformed and there was an election for a position that wasnt even ever specified and the candidates were four lizards (or three lizards and a salamander as a scandal would later prove) and it was called decision2016
each lizard had their own 3d models and tumblr blog and campaign and there was also a tumblr blog dedicated to reporting on the election and they made like whole ass news broadcasts with a guy in front of a green screen
you could vote for your favorite candidate and there was a built-in function that let you make and post a campaign poster
in case anyone was wondering the winner of the election was mop. relatable and reliable. #Mop Could
