Chef once came into my house with a life sized Gumby clay statue, and slammed it over my head, killing me instantly.
F
Chef once kicked open the door to my house, walked over to my fridge and proceeded proceeded to drink an entire bottle of ketchup. When he was done he let out a scream that destroyed every electronic device in my house before flying off to destroy the evil alien monster, Donald Trump.
Despite knowing nothing about Chef, I can testify to the fact that they lived with me for eight years, but never spared a glance at my painted toenails, tha prick
CHEF CAME INTO MY HOUSE, AND HE ATE AN ENTIRE FUCKING LEMON.
HE DIDN’T PEEL IT, HE DIDN’T CUT IT, HE JUST ATE THE ENTIRE FUCKING THING, RIGHT THERE.
IT WAS THE MOST HORRIFYING EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE.
Chef has been delivering an oil drum full of fried chicken to my mother’s house every week for the last ten years.
Chef shot rotisserie chicken out of a shirt canon at me last april
